Like Many Other College Freshmen, Zion Williamson Only Lasted 33 Seconds Tonight

Not good! Is it possible to feel terrible for Zion Williamson but at the same time want to dance on the graves of all the Duke fans that were already printing their championship t-shirts? Because that’s where I’m at right now. I’ve been amazed by Zion Williamson all season long and despite his terrible choice of colleges, he seems like a good kid and someone I could find myself rooting for as soon as he sheds the Blue Devil jersey. Continue reading

Panarin Channels His Inner-Blogger, Unable to Play Because He Pooped His Pants

Twitter went into a frenzy when it was announced the hottest name on the trade block Artemi Panarin wouldn’t be playing tonight vs. Montreal. The initial reaction was that the Jackets must be close to a deal to move Panarin before Monday’s trade deadline, but apparently that’s not the case according to John Tortorella: Continue reading

Happy Presidents Day. Celebrate With “I’m Sprung” by T-Pain

If you asked me to pick a song to describe 2005, it’s gotta be “I’m Sprung” by T-Pain. It’s not because that song spoke to me in any particular way, but it’s because Jefe played it on a loop in the dorms at OU. I’m not gonna say the song isn’t incredible, but I’m gonna say it’s not quite as enjoyable on the 13th time through when you’re waiting to leave for your 3pm accounting class.

After a while we just had to start finding humor in certain parts of the song and choreography of the video. You know, things like Continue reading

Damian Lillard Plans to Reveal a Sponsored Tattoo at the All-Star Game

I.. I.. just don’t know how to feel about this. I absolutely hate logos plastered all over jerseys and team apparel (with the exception of NASCAR). Whit can’t even tell what team he’s watching when he wakes up early for EPL on the weekends because of their absurd jersey sponsorships. Continue reading

Start Your Week off Right With Nelly’s Country Grammar

We could sit around all day and debate what Nelly’s best song is. Truth be told, there’s probably about 5-6 that I’d consider his greatest whenever they come on SiriusXM Fly. It just depends on mood and whether I’m doing 42 in a 35 (bad boy life) on my way back from Taco Bell or sitting in traffic praying I don’t shit my pants at 6:30 in the morning. I’m starting to think the two scenarios I just laid out are related…

County Grammar came out when I was 14 and I couldn’t wait to get my driver’s license so I could listen to the entire album in my dark green Pontiac Grand Prix (again, bad boy life). There were so many great hits on that album: E.I., Thicky Thick Girl, Ride wit Me, Batter Up, and of course, the album’s namesake Country Grammar. For today, Country Grammar gets the bump because of the Darnay Scott Bengals jersey seen throughout the video.

Before he was the featured back in Adam Sandler’s prison offense, Nelly was the soundtrack of our junior high and high school years. If you think I didn’t rock a pair of Air Force 1’s because of Nelly, you’re crazy. Now Mac get the hype on first site like, white on whites. Looking back, I should’ve gotten a different color. No 17-year-old should be trusted with a pair of white shoes and be expected to keep them looking crisp and presentable for more than a few weeks. I did my best.

I hope a little Nelly gets you in a great mood so you can attack this week like a St. Lunatic. Next time he comes on the radio, I hope you’re doing 7 MPH over the speed limit and not trying to defuse a ticking Taco Bell belly bomb in rush hour traffic.

Artemi Panarin Fired His Agent and That Sounds Like a Good Thing for the Blue Jackets, Right? Not so Fast My Friend.

If you’re a Blue Jackets fan or just a hockey fan in general, you’re well aware of the looming disaster for Columbus. Artemi Panarin (and his fellow countryman Sergei Bobrovsky) are both unrestricted free agents at the end of the 2019 season. None of the parties involved have been able to reach an agreement on an extension or new contract, to the point where Panarin and his agent cut off contract talks and informed the team that he will not consider his future until after the season.

This puts the Blue Jackets in a VERY difficult spot. They aren’t quite a cup contender as constructed, but they could get to that level with a deadline deal or two. All of that gets thrown into a blender if Panarin isn’t in the mix though. If the NHL has learned anything from last year’s Islanders-Tavares situation, its not worth letting some prima donna string you along all season and into free agency and then bail without the courtesy of letting you get anything in return. Although the Islanders are doing just fine, I’m sure they would have preferred to get a young player and a draft pick for Tavares at last year’s deadline. Now the Jackets are faced with the million dollar decision. Do they try to make a run at a cup by acquiring a few players this month, or do they see if they can get a quality return for a Panarin rental? There’s really no good answer and it’s a really shitty situation to be in.

Then today.. there was this… Continue reading

Somebody Compiled All of Tom Haverford’s Business Ideas From Parks and Recreation, and Folks… Someone Better Call Shark Tank

They were spread out across seven seasons so it was hard to keep track of them all, but Tom Haverford had some pretty impressive business ideas. In fact, there are three to four ideas that I probably would’ve lost a ton of money investing in. Maybe that’s why I haven’t been offered a chair on Shark Tank yet.

Lucky for us, someone stayed up way too late one night and spliced them all together in a four minute video for our viewing pleasure. Continue reading