The Circle Game Is Making a Comeback and I Couldn’t Be More Excited

Who didn’t love a good battle of wits with your friends, scheming up ways to get each other to look at your finger circle (sounds dirty) and punishing any glancers with a quick punch to the arm? I don’t know about everyone else, but this was a game that dominated my junior high and high school years in the Midwest. Few were quick enough to poke the hole (again, very dirty) and avoid getting hit, but I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you I was damn good at using my Hakeem Nicks-like hand speed to avoid getting punched. Short of getting down on all fours behind someone and having a co-conspirator push them over you and flirting with stitches to the back of their head in the locker room, this was the best game we had to kill time.

Let’s not forget one of the game’s best features: the fight that would break out if someone didn’t think the finger circle was below the waist. We all knew those cheating mother fuckers that would try to get away with that. I have one guy in mind, but for his sake and keeping him from being publicly shamed and likely losing his job because his boss would be introduced to the cheating fuck he was, I won’t name any names. You know who you are.

My only problem with the game today is I’m not sure how to introduce it back into my life. I see people going viral for doing it in pictures, videos and GIFs-with-a-hard-G, but I have yet to see Mike from accounting lay a finger circle down on Peggy at reception. I really want to live in a world where this can happen, but I’m not sure 2018 is ready for such a game. Back in the simpler times, a few buddies could whale (yes, that’s the correct usage. Look it up, losers) on each other and then go back onto living their lives. Nowadays, you know Peggy at reception would throw a fit and have her husband Ted come down to the office on his lunch break and kick the living shit out of Mike from accounting. Not in my America.

It’s my challenge to you, people of 2018. Let’s bring The Circle Game back to the real world instead of just on social media. Sure it’s cool that your grandma was an accomplice in “getting me” in your Christmas themed Instagram video, but the old woman wasn’t sitting there ready to bruise my upper arm because I’m a little bitch with no self-discipline. Plus, if she was actually sitting next to me, I would’ve poked the hole (I’ll leave that one up for your own interpretation) and a punch would’ve never been thrown anyway.

Being in my post-late-twenties, it’s possible this is an early midlife crisis where I’m just wanting to revert back to my childhood days where life was simple and I didn’t have to be in a constant competition with my neighbor on who edged their grass along the sidewalk better. Who knows, that’s for the reader(s) to decide.

I will say though, if The Circle Game makes a successful comeback, there will be only one thing on my agenda for 2019: The Doorknob Game.

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