I’m Moving to Washington for the Bigfoot License Plate

homer simpson big footLocal12.com – OLYMPIA, Wash. – Sasquatch may or may not be roaming through the woods of Washington state right now, but a bill is trying to make Bigfoot one of the state symbols. State Sen. Ann Rivers wants Bigfoot to be named our state cryptid, which is an animal that hasn’t been proven to exist. Whether you’re a believer or not, Washington has the highest number of Bigfoot sightings in the country, and Senator Rivers said passing the bill would be a way to recognize Sasquatch’s contributions to the state and preserve Bigfoot’s legacy. Rivers even announced new legislation Tuesday that would create a Sasquatch license plate.

Let me get started by putting it out there: I believe in Bigfoot; or at least some form of a Bigfoot. We’ve all seen the Simpsons episode where Homer is mistaken for Bigfoot when he and Bart get stranded in the woods. My line of thinking is somewhere between that and Harry from Harry and the Hendersons roaming the mountains of Washington. I’ve seen all the mountain people shows on TV, and they’re pretty damn close to being a different species themselves, so you’d be crazy to think there’s not another pack of people out there who have devolved that just don’t have HD cameras chasing them around the woods.

If this bill gets signed, it’s gonna be a hard sell to keep me in Ohio. Ohio doesn’t even have many Bigfoot sightings anymore, so the chance of us getting a Bigfoot vanity license plate is about as likely as Vontaze Burfict going a season without a personal foul penalty. I want that license plate, and I want it now. I may even consider buying  an apartment in Washington and registering my car there if I have to. I just hope the Ohio University Alumni Association can survive without my $35/year when I drop the OU plates for Bigfoot.


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