I Hate Sports and I Quit

Let the record show: Sunday, February 18th, 2018 is the day I finally quit. I’m sick of the constant letdown and disappointment. Its my fault, honestly. I could just become a bandwagon fan like I’ve seen so many people do. I could be a Duke basketball fan, Alabama football fan and alternate between the Patriots and Steelers, whichever was winning the most at the time. Yankees too? Why not? If I’m going all in, I might as well wear a pinstriped Aaron Judge jersey and spit on people as I scream about 27 rings.


Instead, I’ve remained loyal to my Cincinnati roots. I even refuse to root for an NBA team with one of the best players that ever lived simply because they’re in Cleveland. Rooting for the Cavs would be so easy, yet I would rather be caught watching Lena Dunham make out with Jake Paul by my grandma than Witness anything King James is doing up north. Sure, I have my on-again off-again relationship with the Denver Nuggets, but we’re like Ross and Rachel from Friends. Will we end up together when it’s all said and done? I guess you’ll have to buy the box set to find out.

The Bearcats are a constant letdown, and the year they had the team to win it all, Kenyon Martin’s leg snapped like Jefe on a B-dubs waitress when they tell him they’re out of ranch. Every year we hear it’s the best offensive team Cincinnati has had in recent memory, but every year they seem to come up short in the big moments. This week was no different with losses to Houston and Wichita State. They were in the driver’s seat for the rest of the season, sitting at #5 and a projected 2-seed. All they needed was some teams ahead of them to start struggling, and guess what, it happened. Will they capitalize on this? Laughable.


Meanwhile, the Cincinnati-North Blue Jackets are currently getting their faces caved in by the Pittsburgh Penguins. They’ve given up 3 goals on 6 shots in the first period. This was their strongest roster that was built for a Stanley Cup run, but they’re letting it slip and they might not even make the playoffs if they keep it up. I guess it’s all for the best though. I don’t know If I can handle another first round playoff exit at the hands of the insufferable Penguins.


It’s been a rough week in the sports world for Ol’ Mac. At least I have the Reds getting geared up for their first Spring Training game on Friday against the Northeast Native Americans. I’m sure they’ll get off to a hot start this season and disappoint me by June, but the Reds are my first true love in sports, so no matter how much they let me down, I keep running back into Mr. Redlegs’ arms.


I also just realized I went through this entire post without mentioning the Bengals. Good, fuck ‘em. They are probably the main reason I hate sports year in-year out. They don’t even deserve their own paragraph with the way they’ve been ruining my life for the last 15 years. Every time you think they finally have it figured out and can compete in the AFC, they face plant out of the starting gate or have a few injuries that hinder their ability to do anything other than finish ahead of the lowly Browns. God dammit. I just gave them their own paragraph after I was happy that I forgot to write one for them. Gotta give ‘em credit. The Bengals are good at what they do, and that’s pissing me off.


Let this serve as my official resignation from sports, for at least the next few hours. Will it last into next week? Highly doubtful, I’m not that strong. I’m predicting by Wednesday my blood pressure will be back in the comfortable pre-hypertension range I’ve become all too familiar with. Until then, I’ll sit back and sip on my strawberry milkshake and watch the Olymp…. fuck. I already screwed up.


One of these days I’ll get this quitting sports thing down.

One thought on “I Hate Sports and I Quit

  1. Pingback: Is There Nothing Left That’s Pure? Russian Curler Accused of Doping | Milliron Sports

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