Ndamukong Suh Failed ECON 101

Business Insider – In 2015, Ndamukong Suh signed one of the biggest contracts in NFL history, agreeing to join the Miami Dolphins on a deal worth $114 million over six years, with $60 million guaranteed.

However, like many contracts in professional sports, the numbers aren’t exactly as they seem.

While speaking to Business Insider to promote his investment with emoji app Genies, Suh said that most people don’t understand that when players sign eight- and nine-figure deals, they should really split the number in half. He used his rookie deal as an example.

“Off of my rookie deal, which I’m not hiding anything, you can go and look at my deal, I had $40 million guaranteed, it was 6 years for $40 [million],” Suh said. “And you take the $40 million that was guaranteed and you swipe that in half because of taxes.”

Everyone, please take a moment and say a prayer for Ndamukong Suh. The poor guy only made, in his estimation, $20 million dollars off of his rookie contract. How is someone expected to live on such meager wages? Especially in Detroit, where some houses can cost upwards of 8-whole-dollars. I really don’t know how he pulled it off. It’s a good thing he took a massive deal in Miami where there’s no state income tax so he could keep food on his family’s table. 

Honestly, are we supposed to feel bad for this guy? In his calculation of how much he made on his contract, he lumped in “living expenses” along with taxes and agent fees like it was a burden and something the rest of us poors don’t have the misfortune of paying. Mother fucker, the cost of living is the cost of living. We all have to pay it, and some people put most of their take home pay towards “living expenses”. I can’t even begin to think about how fat my bank account would be if I didn’t have all of those things normal people don’t have to pay for. You know, stuff like gas, electric, groceries, mortgage..

Get the fuck outta here with that bullshit, Ndamukong. Nobody is going to feel bad for your “mo’ money mo’ problems” whinefest. Maybe he’s just mad that his pool of funds used for fines when he steps on QB’s necks and arms is shrinking because of big bad Uncle Sam and the evil concept of buying groceries and paying an electric bill. What did he think this was going to accomplish? Did he think we’d all rally around him and demand that athletes shouldn’t be taxed because they don’t know how to budget?

As former NBA player Josh Childress once explained, many athletes also make life purchases, like houses and cars, without taking into account the smaller figures that they’re truly earning.

“I think people have allusions of, there’s no reason guys should ever go broke,” Suh said, adding, “I don’t think people see those things and understand what goes into that.”

He’s right. I don’t understand. I don’t understand how someone can be so fucking stupid that they think their $40 million salary is literally $40 million dollars that won’t be taxed and used to pay things like “living expenses”. If you have 20 million post-tax dollars coming your way over the course of six years, YOU SHOULD NEVER GO BROKE. The Josh Childress quote above is even more maddening. You mean to tell me I should actually sit down and look at how much money I make after all of my fixed expenses are accounted for before splurging on my fifth car or a house in a city I’ll only visit twice a year? Fucking insanity.

I’ve always hated Ndamukong Suh for the asshole he was on the field. Now I hate him because he’s trying to victimize himself for being rich. I’m really sorry that you didn’t know how the world worked when you were handed more money as a 23 year old than most people make in their lifetime. We all feel realllly bad for you. If you truly realized how precious every dollar you earned was because it doesn’t stretch as far as it should in your fantasy world, then you wouldn’t be trying to end opposing players’ careers every Sunday. Be more out of touch with reality. Idiot.

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