I Think I’m Going to Dinner With Marlins Man

Tonight was just an ordinary Monday night. I was sitting around scrolling through Twitter, getting ready to start Monday Night Raw on a delay because 8pm always sneaks up on me. How is someone supposed to consume five hours of wrestling a week, hold a normal 9-5 job and blog along with other necessary things like helping raise a kid, catching up on Kevin Can Wait and making sure the dog is fed? It’s insanity. I’m not saying I’m a hero, but I don’t know many people that can pull it off quite like I seem to every week. Oh yeah, the Reds are on too. Crap, I don’t know how it’s gonna get done tonight, but I’ll find a way. 

Mixed in with all of the Stormy Daniels jokes, people getting excited over a broken down player with a broken shot making his return off the bench for the 76ers and people acting like they’re taken by surprise that Facebook was a douchey website that was basically spying on everyone and stealing their information, I saw Marlins Man fighting the good fight. For those of you who don’t know, Marlins Man has been battling with new ownership in Miami because they don’t seem to like money and guaranteed season ticket sales.

The man wrote a $200,000 check for season tickets over the next few seasons. That’s loyalty that you rarely see and most organizations would stand in line for. So I know what you’re thinking: $200,000 is a lot of guaranteed ticket revenue and the Marlins came to their senses and accepted his payment for tickets, right? Wrong.

Marlins Man travels throughout the country making himself a staple of any nationally televised baseball game. If you’re watching a prime time baseball game (except in Cleveland), you’re going to see him wearing an orange Marlins jersey behind home plate. I’ve always wondered what he ate before these games. Does he just stick with the food offered in the premium seating? Or does he check out the local cuisine before taking in a ballgame? I guess I’m about to find out, because it looks like I’m going to dinner with Marlins Man.

Marlins Man Dinner

Sure, he was talking about Kansas City originally, but what’s to say the Reds won’t pick up a few Sunday Night Baseball games or a Wednesday night tilt that is on ESPN? Playing in a division with the Cubs, Cardinals and Brewers this season will lend itself to some national exposure despite the low expectations of the Reds throughout the national media.

“But Mac, just because you tweeted to Marlins Man that you’d buy him dinner if he came to Cincinnati doesn’t mean he’ll actually do it.”

Oh yeah? Peep that like.

Marlins Man Dinner 2

I know exactly what this “Like” means. It was Marlins Man’s way of flagging the tweet to recall when he’s in Cincinnati. After his plane lands in Northern Kentucky and he is driving his Enterprise Rent-A-Car across one of our crumbling bridges into Ohio, he’ll think “wasn’t somebody supposed to buy me dinner when I came to Cincinnati?” Yessir, and that guy was none other than Mac from Milliron Sports*

I’m not sure why he didn’t just use Twitter’s new bookmark feature for tweets, but to each their own. I’m not worried about that. I’m more worried about where we’re going to dine. Should I take him to one of the country’s best steakhouses, Jeff Ruby’s? Or should I keep it as local as possible and treat him to Skyline Chili? I guess I should let him make the call, but I want him to feel like he has all the options he deserves. Spoiler alert: we’re probably getting Skyline.

If Marlins Man reads this and thinks “hey, that guy is pretty funny. Maybe I’ll grab dinner with him on a random Wednesday in August when the Reds are playing the red-hot Brewers”, then the offer still stands.

If Marlins Man reads this and thinks “hey, that guy is pretty creepy. Maybe I should alert the authorities that he took a simple ‘Like’ on Twitter as an accepted invite to dine with him in the best city in the midwest”, then it was all a joke and this blog was done for comedic purposes.

Either way, please come on our podcast to discuss this season ticket fiasco, Marlins Man.

Subscribe to The Nati Boys Podcast on iTunes

*assuming we haven’t gone under by then.. or bought out for $5.7 billion.

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