Man, it sure doesn’t take much to be thrown out of a baseball game these days. What happened to the good ol’ days where guys would scream, throw their helmet and flirt with headbutting an ump? Even that wouldn’t guarantee getting tossed depending on who was behind the plate. Some umps have thicker skin than others, and this dude’s must be as thin as single ply prison toilet paper.
Truth be told, I don’t really know what the toilet paper in prison is like. I’ve never been to prison, and don’t anticipate spending any time there unless it’s part of some scared straight program Milliron Sports ends up sponsoring for troubled teens from the inner-city of Detroit. It’s the least we could do after all of the mean things I’ve said about their city. I feel bad for Anthony Rendon here. If he knew he was going to get tossed, I bet he would’ve done something a lot cooler. Perhaps riding his bat around like a pony before mule kicking dirt onto the ump? This is my first experiencing choreographing a contested strike three call in a professional baseball game, so I apologize if you don’t think that’d be entertaining enough. I’ll be better.
I know what I’d do if I were Anthony Rendon. First I’d take of that stupid balaclava and man up and deal with the cold. It’s not Antarctica. Sure, it’s cold, but it’s not cold enough to declare to the world how big of an asshole you are. You’d never see Joey Votto wearing something like that. Next, I’d ask for a trade because there’s no way Bryce Harper is coming back next year and it’s best to get outta town before the inevitable rebuild.
I forgot about the whole striking out looking on a bad call. Ehhhh let’s go with paying homage to this classic meltdown. Warning: NSFW