Does This Look Like The Face of a Man Who Practices Karate on Swans?

swan karate

WLWT – A man was arrested after witnesses told police they saw him kicking two swans while practicing karate at Lake Eola in Florida.

Authorities arrested and charged Rocco Mantella Thursday for cruelty to animals.

Before assaulting the animals, the witness said Mantella practiced his kicks before kicking the bird “as hard as possible.” 

Listen, I hate swans just as much as the next guy. Those suckers are mean despite their majestic appearance, and I know from first hand experience. A few summers ago we stayed at a lake house in Michigan. The house was equipped with a dock, two Jon Boats and a massive lake all to ourselves. Well, except for a couple of asshole swans/geese or whatever the fuck they were that would always try to attack us when we were in the middle of the lake. Do you know what it’s like to be circled by gigantic birds with 5ft long necks just pecking at you because you’re on their turf. If you haven’t, I don’t recommend it. I still think back to that summer and have a chill run down my spine. 

Despite being attacked when I was minding my own business, I never thought to whip out karate moves on those assholes. In hindsight, it would’ve been pretty bad ass; a hybrid Aquaman-James Dalton, if you will. Even so, I don’t think I could bring myself to hit an animal unless I really thought it was a matter of life and death.

Apparently Rocco Mantella doesn’t live by the same code as ol’ Mac, and it’s a shame because now he’s doing time in the clink because he thought he was Bruce Lee. I don’t know where the scabs came from, but it looks like the swans may have gotten a few good wacks in on him too. Or maybe he’s on bath salts. It’s really a toss-up. Either way, next time he’s probably best to just turn the other cheek when a swan tries to stunt on him with their white feathers and long-ass necks.

stop looking at me swan

One thought on “Does This Look Like The Face of a Man Who Practices Karate on Swans?

  1. Pingback: Television’s Hottest Moms Power Rankings [POSSIBLE SITCOM SPOILERS] | Milliron Sports

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