Television’s Hottest Moms Power Rankings [POSSIBLE SITCOM SPOILERS]

**DISCLAIMER: This list was completed with the upmost respect for all of the lucky moms that were selected. They are all great moms (except for a few of them) and that should not be overshadowed by their killer bods and good looks**

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It’s an annual tradition at Milliron Sports for the Mother’s Day release of Television’s Hottest Moms Power Rankings. To this date, it’s probably our most successful annual blog that is in it’s first year of publication. If you haven’t caught on yet, this is the first and probably only time I’ll be doing this. Not because I’m afraid of the naysayers and haters coming out of the woodwork and questioning my rankings, but for a few other reasons: 1. I don’t watch much new TV so the odds of someone coming onto my radar and supplanting a mom from my Top 10 is unlikely, and 2. like anything else we do, I’ll probably forget to update the rankings in 2019 assuming we’re still in existence (the site, not humanity. Although I suppose I could be talking about both).

Enough about me complaining about not having enough time to watch tv and questioning the threat of nuclear war wiping us off the planet… onto the rankings:

10- Debra Barone, Everybody Loves Raymond 

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Poor Debra. I feel like she always got a bad look when feuding with her overbearing mother-in-law Marie, played by Doris Roberts (RIP). That doesn’t mean she wasn’t a hot mom and probably too good for Ray. Don’t get me wrong, I love me some Ray, but that nose didn’t deserve a stone cold fox like Debra. He’s lucky he locked her down with a bratty daughter and twins, otherwise she might be checking out some other, more successful sportswriters (or bloggers, sup?) to shack up with.

9- Carol Foster-Lambert, Step by Step

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I think Carol was a victim of recency bias here. Suzanne Somers was hot to trot back in the day but that was before HDTV. When I watch her on Nick At Nite, the picture is grainy and you can’t truly appreciate her Beauty by ThighMaster. Good on Frank for seeing past the burden of doubling his family size with Carol’s arrival. I’m guessing a lot of guys stuck in Wisconsin would do the same.

8- Lois Griffin, Family Guy

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I’ve never had a thing for redheads but Lois can get it. Sure, it might be a little weird to think a cartoon is hot but do a Google search for me one time, I’ll wait. Ok, you back? See, a lot of people out there talk about how hot Lois Griffin is. She’s for sure way too hot for Peter’s fat ass, even if it is a cartoon. Plus, once you factor in that Pewterschmidt money, you’re talking about one hell of a catch.

7- Becky Katsopolis, Full House

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You said it Uncle Jesse. Aunt Becky was my first Cougar Crush (band name). I don’t remember who I liked more as a kid, DJ or Stephanie, but Aunt Becky was always #1. Wake Up San Francisco! You have one of the hottest morning show hosts to ever see the airwaves (no offense, Danny, you’re a total DILF in your own right).

6- Tami Taylor, Friday Night Lights

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Tami Taylor is the closest thing to the full package that can be found on the list. She knew football, she understood the hustle, and she convinced Coach to start Matt Saracen. Not to mention, I think she could hold her own when drinking some wine with me. She was everything a coach’s wife should be. The only reason she ranked at 6 was because she made my main man Coach Taylor leave Texas. I’m all for supporting your woman, but Coach Taylor was the epitome of Texas football. Texas Forever? Maybe for Riggs and Street, but Tami had other plans.

5- Daenerys Targaryen, Game of Thrones

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The Mother of Dragons is so badass and quite possibly the baddest bitch (respectfully, of course) on the planet. You have a punk kid that is stealing lunch money? Guess what, she’s got fucking dragons that will come roast your ass on your way back from the cubicle farm. Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, First of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons is not to be fucked with

4- Lindsay Bluth Fünke, Arrested Development 

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She might be a terrible mom on the show, but there’s no denying the beauty that is Lindsay Bluth Fünke. Sure, she’s totally unreliable and a bit annoying with the never-ending train of fundraising benefits, but when she needed to put on a show, buddy, did she. How Tobias was able to land a stunning beauty like this is beyond me. If being a never-nude gives you a shot with Lindsay, then it’s time for me to start wearing cut-off jeans under my sweatpants.

3- Betty Draper, Mad Men

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Certifiably psycho? Yes. Certifiably hot? Absolutely. Granted, Don may have driven her to Crazy Town, but that didn’t make her less hot in my mind. Don Draper banging anything that walked in NYC was directly responsible for the death of about 15,000 cigarettes throughout the first few seasons in suburban New York. Smoking is usually a huge turnoff but due to the time period and how great she made it look, I’m willing to let it slide.

2- Gloria Pritchett, Modern Family

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Props to Jay. Its nice to see an old man with money finally get a win. You never see this situation play out. You know, the hot second-wife of a millionaire. Not only is Gloria a beautiful mom, she’s also a smoking hot grandma. Ok, step-grandma, but still a grandma. In addition to being a hot mom and grandma, she has her crazy Columbian past that will always keep you on your toes. Some guys are into that, I hear.

1- Cece Parikh, New Girl

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When I hear Cece, my mind immediately goes to “Cici’s pizza buffet”; which is fitting because both Cece/Cici’s stop my heart. I don’t want to spoil anything because the series is still going on, but Cece very much qualifies for this list. If you didn’t already know that because you’re a few seasons behind, sorry. If you’re current on New Girl, aren’t you so glad how it all worked out between her and that dude who I won’t name to keep all the n00bs who are still behind somewhat on their toes? You can take my man card for watching New Girl, but if you are into hot chicks and you’re not watching, you’re missing out. Cece is cool and willing to be one of the guys along with Jess all while maintaining the allusion of the untouchably hot model friend of your quirky roommate. That’s really hard to do and she does it like a champ.

 

If you think I left anyone off the list, feel free to stop by Twitter or in the comments below. I’m sure I missed a few but my television viewing is so narrow so it’s completely possible that there are troves of hot moms out there that I have no idea about.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the hot moms in television. If you’re a mom yourself, why are you reading this? You should be busy being pampered by your kids right now. I’m not sure why you just wasted a good portion of “your day” reading this garbage. Come back tomorrow when I inevitably write a blog about a weirdo that stole a butterfly or karate kicks geese in his free time.

 

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