Nick Saban Signs Massive Extension, Reminds Us Once Again That We Chose the Wrong Profession

Here I am, just minding my own business, enjoying a Friday afternoon after a long grinding work week and Alabama drops this bullshit on us. Talk about ruining a guy’s weekend.

wow gif

Shoutout to this girl that got booted from Barstool Idol for showing up late. You have no idea but I use this GIF more often than I’d like to admit. We’re not hiring, sorry. 

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming. 

That’s a lot of money to get paid to let boosters pay your players to go to Alabama coach football regardless of how good you are. The guy rarely looks happy, and I have a feeling even with this news and bump in pay, we’re still gonna get Sassy Saban every Saturday afternoon at 3:30 on CBS. Can you imagine making this kind of living and still be an angry little creature? I barely make half of that and I somehow manage to be happy. Maybe it’s because I’m a foot taller than Saban. I dunno, I’ve never talked to the guy so I don’t know where he’s coming from. Maybe he’s constantly searching for his father’s approval like a shitty made for TV Disney movie. Spoiler alert: Nicky will finally earn his respect after beating the rival high school his dad never could. Man, what an improbable play he made to win in stunning fashion.

I don’t even know if I’ll be alive in 2026, but it pisses me off to know that if I make it that far, Saban will still be coaching. There are a few things I’m almost certain I’ll never see in my lifetime:

  • Cincinnati Super Bowl
  • Tom Brady-less New England Patriots
  • Whitty admit he’s been wrong about #ConeyGate this whole time
  • Darren Rovell tweet something that doesn’t make me wanna nerd bash him

Now that I have to add a football season without Saban to that list, I’m not sure life is worth living. In the back of my mind, I always hoped we’d end up seeing a world where Alabama sucked at football again, Duke struggles to make the NCAA Tournament, and Pittsburgh becomes the Cleveland Browns of the AFC North. It looks like I won’t get my wish about Alabama until at least 2027, if I’m still around.

The ball’s in your court, Darren. Don’t let me down like Nick Saban did.

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