Homer Bailey Sums up Post-2014 Reds Career With One “Pitch”

You’d like to think things couldn’t get much worse for Homer Bailey and the Reds. The Cincinnati Reds are an astonishingly bad 1-15 in games started by Bailey this season. That’s almost impossible to do. Even the worst of pitchers manage to get a few no-decisions or at least enough run support to bail them out of a loss after a miserable effort on the mound. We’re talking about a guy who has two career no-hitters. Homer Bailey may go down in history as the worst pitcher to ever have multiple no-nos on their Wikipedia page. Even if he holds that moniker, the once highly-touted prospect should be faring better than he has been. Hell, in his first two starts after returning from a Triple-A rehab assignment due to “knee inflammation” *wink wink*, he had a stat line of 14.2 IP, 4 ER, 8 H, 3 BB, 14 K. Things were looking up for David Dewitt Bailey, Jr., but as it’s turned out, that success was short lived. With the exception of a few pockets of decent outings, everything Homer has touched has been a disaster after signing his six-year, $105 million deal in 2014. He essentially balked (hehe) at the idea of moving to the bullpen earlier this year to help his team, forcing the organization’s hand to keep him in the rotation since they can’t afford to pay him not to pitch. Small-market baseball.. sigh. 

If you can pretty much guarantee a Reds loss in 2018 when Homer takes the mound, you’d at least hope there aren’t too many embarrassing moments that add to the misery of putting another tally in the loss column. Homer wasn’t about to let that happen on Monday night. If he was going out with a loss, god dammit, he was gonna do it in a fashion that opened the door for the Reds to be the laughing stock of baseball yet again.

I honestly can’t even begin to act like I know what happened. Did he legitimately forget to pull the ball out of his glove? Did he lose his grip while beginning his delivery? Maybe he and Tucker Barnhart got their signals crossed and Homer didn’t want to throw one to the backstop and allow a run to score from second when the ball would inevitably take the most Cincinnati-bounce and kick down the first baseline, which was currently being manned by a shell of Joey Votto who is still hobbled by the aftermath of that gutless fuck Ryan Madson’s ill-advised fastball to the back of his knee. I don’t mean to rant, but if I cross paths with Ryan Madson in the off season, it’s gonna be really hard for me to refrain from running to my car, grabbing a baseball and drilling him in the back with a 64mph humping fastball that will result in my own shoulder surgery. That’s ok though, it’ll be worth it.

Homer somehow got out of that inning unscathed, keeping hope alive for the Reds and their Ohio Cup chances. Yes, that’s a real thing that they’ve been trying to force down our throats with the intrastate rivalry.  I doubt too many people in the organization are sweating their contract status with the club based on the results of the Ohio Cup, but I guess whatever it takes to try to sell tickets, right?

Well, I guess I’ll wear anything that Joey Votto will put on his body created by the Baseball Gods. Save me an XXL, Gapper.

It wasn’t all lollipops and gumdrops the rest of the way, and the Reds ended up losing 10-3. And hey! We even got to see utility man Brandon Dixon pitch in the 9th inning.

And whatta you know, he even held onto the ball during his windup. Can’t say the same for Jose Ramirez and his bat.

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