It’s an Oil Change Saturday!


No, not that kind of oil change. Thank God.

Now that you’re done having an anxiety attack from thinking about giving yourself an oil change, we can move on.

Don’t get too excited though, this won’t be a regular recurring blog. I don’t drive that often so it takes me a while to hit the standard 5,000-7,500 miles most vehicle manuals suggest for an ol’ swapperoo of the black sludge and overpriced filter. Some auto parts stores give you a free filter when you buy 5-quarts of oil, but these oil change places aren’t so generous. I feel bad saying that because they gave me free coffee and a bottle of water while I wait. Now I feel bad for not considering the free WiFi access they gave me (which isn’t showing up on my list of available networks, but I’m not one to complain about such things). The coffee is a little burnt, which I suspect is a result of it being brewed this morning when they opened at 8am. I don’t want to disappoint anyone that thought this might be a blog about oil changes and the different places people take their cars to get their oil changed (e.g. their parents house, dealerships, a buddy’s place or your favorite local mechanic), but I think I’ll jump into some sports while I wait on my car.

Bengals vs. Cowboys

Tonight the Men in Stripes make their way to Jerry’s World (actually, I hope they’re already there. That’d be cutting it close) to take on the Boys in Blue. Not cops, the Cowboys. I felt the need to make that clarification based on the reputation that precedes the Bengals anytime they are mentioned in the national media. The current Bengals don’t have the same problems the historically legally challenged Bengals of yesteryear had, but it’s low hanging fruit and lazy fucks like to toss that out there when they have nothing better to talk about.

I never have many expectations or hopes for preseason games, but for some reason traveling to one of the game’s historically good franchises to play on national television (NFL Network, 7PM EST) is giving me a semi. Not to mention, I’m gonna do the Icky Shuffle right in T-Bone’s face when Andy connects with AJ for a 78-yard bomb to open the game. Suck it Bone, better luck next year.

Other than enjoying a series or two of Andy and AJ perfecting their skill, I can’t wait to see more of wide receiver Auden Tate. As a 7th-round pick, not a lot was expected out of Tate, but he’s been a welcomed surprise and could be a key part of the Super Bowl LIII championship team. I have to admit, I almost crapped myself in fear when I saw Auden Tate was going to wear Brandon Tate’s number-19. Sure, he was the all-time Bengals leader in combined return yards, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t downright frustrating at times. I worry about weird shit, so naturally a rookie wide receiver with the same last name and number as someone who I cursed every Sunday for five seasons concerned me. I’ll get over it in due time, God willing.

If they don’t win tonight, I’ll kill myself. This is their preseason Super Bowl, until next week.

Don’t hold me to that.

Well, would you look at the time. They quoted me 30-40 minutes and were done in 20. Good for me, bad for those of you who wanted a longer blog. See you next oil change.

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