BREAKING NEWS: Two-Time NFL MVP Doesn’t Bail on Training Camp to Travel Across the Country and Attend Brother Who Had to Rely on Reality TV for Fame Because He Couldn’t Cut It in the NFL’s 30th Birthday Party

Wait a second… are you telling me a 2x NFL MVP, Super Bowl winning quarterback, Super Bowl MVP, and current starter of the Green Bay Packers didn’t bail on training camp to go to his brother’s birthday party? Wow, I guess some people just don’t have the same values we held back in our day. 

stanley eye roll

I don’t know why, but this straw grasping effort of a story has triggered me multiple times today, but here we are. Sure, their relationship is reportedly strained and they don’t have the picture perfect brotherhood that TMZ wants them to have, but who the fuck cares? Even if they were on the best of terms, I can say with about 100% certainty that Aaron wouldn’t leave training camp to celebrate his brother’s 30th birthday in a completely different part of the country. A wedding? Yes. Hanging out with a bunch of Jordan and JoJo hangers-on? That’s gotta be a hard pass.

I really don’t have anything against Jordan. I mean, I think it’s a little weird that someone with his pedigree had to go on network television to find true love but to each their own. Are you telling me Jordan couldn’t just roam the Nashville bars and play the Aaron Rodgers’ brother card? If that one doesn’t work, just remind them you were an average SEC quarterback for two years at the most forgotten about school in the conference. Nobody’s gonna bother to look it up and find out you never made it on to an active NFL roster, so it’s a strong play in my opinion. I personally know plenty of failed college football players who found love without Chris Harrison’s assistance. Hell, we employ one. You know him best for his semi-annual food review videos.

I know most people at TMZ, like Jordan, have never held real jobs so it’s hard for them to fathom the idea of a schedule structured in a way that won’t allow someone to hop on a plane to hit Broadway to yuk it up just because your less successful brother hit a faux-milestone birthday. I’d be willing to bet there were no fewer than 12 Chive t-shirts on that party bus. I don’t know that they got a party bus for sure, but it kinda fits the profile, right?

I hope Jordan enjoyed his 30th birthday. Just remember, Aaron already had a MVP trophy, 3 Pro Bowls, a Super Bowl ring and Super Bowl MVP under his belt by the time he was 30.

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