I’ve Never Been Self Conscious About My Voice Until Today

Today was just like any other Sunday. I had some chili brewing in the slow-cooker while I was waiting on the early NFL games to start and I was already trying to decide which wall to punch a hole through if the Bengals decided to break my heart. The topic of Patrick Mahomes’ voice came up in the Mac Household so I did a Google search to see what gems were out there on the internet with voice-mashups and funny antidotes about the breakout QB’s extremely unique voice.

Pretty normal, tame stuff. No harm, no foul. Then I came across this head-scratcher: 

mahomes

What in the fuck does this even mean? Is there something that happens to vocal cords after feasting on a big bowl of chili? It sure as hell doesn’t hold true for Cincinnati chili.. I think I’d know by now. Then again, has my voice been jacked up non-stop because of my love for cheese coneys and all the wonderful offerings at Skyline Chili? I doubt everyone got together and said “don’t tell Mac his voice sounds like Kermit the Frog just smoked 15 cigarettes before drinking lighter fluid, it’ll hurt his feelings” so I’m still flabbergasted by what a well respected publication meant by this headline.

Maybe it only happens with traditional chili, I wondered. Well, I eat chili every single football Sunday and my toddler and wife have never said a word about it. It’s possible they’re in cahoots but my dog is ride or die and he hasn’t said anything sounded out of the ordinary.

Now thanks to some guy getting paid $25  writing for a semi-defunct website just for the benefit of putting their Twitter handle in his bio, I have a voice complex. Is it possible my voice has always, just like Patrick Mahomes, sounded like I ate a big bowl of chili because I eat so much chili? Or is this guy full of shit and going for a “hilarious” headline that only people on his intellectual level would get? I don’t know, but I can’t risk it. I’ve always been told I have a “Cincinnati dialect”, whatever that means. I guess we all use short-A’s and say “ope” and cool shit like that. I say “sorry” a lot too*, but that’s a Canadian thing. I’m not Canadian, I’m just polite as fuck. Still, I don’t think this is related to chili but if it is, so be it; I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Regardless of which side of the fence you’re on in our nation’s chili-voice debate, I ask you do one thing:

Rate, review and subscribe to the Nati Boys podcast. After you’ve listened to all of the episodes, hit me up on Twitter to let me know whether I have chili voice or if this hack was just grasping at straws with a super funny headline that totally made putting @******** in his bio worth it.

Nati Boys on iTunes

Streaming through MillironSports.com

 

* I once apologized to a rack of clothes in a department store when I bumped into it. I’ll never live that one down.

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