Triple H’s Torn Pectoral Muscle Makes Me Want to Consider Signing a DNR

I hope nobody is eating while reading this. If so, stop eating on the toilet. That’s gross.

If you were one of the many people who had faux outrage over the Crown Jewel pay-per-view the WWE held in Saudi Arabia over the weekend and still watched, you could tell Triple H was pretty messed up by the end of the match. Now we have the photo evidence that Triple H did, in fact destroy his pectoral muscle at some point during the showdown between DX and the Brothers of Destruction. 

Side note: If I ever tear a muscle that bad, just put me down. I can’t imagine having surgery and rehabbing to the point where I could be a functioning human being again would be worth it. It’s probably best for me and everyone around me to call it a solid 32-years and say goodbye. 

There have been a few moments in the match that people believe he got hurt. Shockingly, it wasn’t this moment when Kane mistakenly choke slammed him through the wrong announcer’s table. You know, the one that still had all of the monitors and everything on it. I’m no expert, but I think I’d prefer to land on the table that was recently cleared off in preparation for the choke slam…

While incredibly painful, I don’t think that was when Triple H tore his pectoral muscle. He’s actually lucky he didn’t lose a kidney or shatter his spine.

Maybe it was from this comedy of errors:

I think he was already hurt at this moment judging by the way he was holding his right arm. In fact, I think we can probably blame this hilarious series of botches on the injury.

The way he got injured is so painful, yet athletic, I can’t help but respect it. If this sequence of events happened to me I can guarantee I’d be flying back to the United States with more than a torn pectoral muscle.

I can’t stop watching this on loop. The way his body flails over the ropes it almost looks like a video that is being replayed in reverse. In fact, I bet if you asked me to climb into the ring and then played it backwards, it would look exactly like this.

You may find yourself asking, “who would look better doing it though?”

Well, I might be a little  lot flabbier in the midsection, but my hamstrings don’t have wrinkles (that I know of).

**Drops sweatpants and walks to full length mirror**

Ok, I’m back. We’re good. I may lack a ripped core, but they don’t call me the Saquon Barkley of blogging for nothing.

I’d feel bad if I didn’t at least mention how incredible Shawn Michaels looked for not wrestling since 2010. But let us not forget, even the Heartbreak Kid almost killed himself when Kane and the Undertaker didn’t hold up their end of the bargain on his attempted Moonsault.

I really hope Triple H can make a full recovery so he can wrestle his two matches a year still. I say that sarcastically, but I would actually be bummed out if this ended his in-ring career. He’s got it made with his current role in the WWE and he’s doing incredible things with NXT and developing young talent, but I’d be lying if I said I don’t get just as excited as I did when I was 12 every time his music or D-Generation X’s music hits.

The haters will say it’s fake. Yes, the outcomes are pre-determined. But how about a slow clap for three guys in their 50s and another just a year shy of his 50s putting it all on the line one last time for our entertainment*?


*until Vince writes another massive check to bring them all back as ratings continue to slip.

Hey Jefe:

suck it

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