After Playing Too Much Fortnite, NYC Woman Turns Umbrella Into Infinity Blade

I’m not gonna sit here and act like I’m a Fortnite expert. I think I’ve killed fewer than 3 people in the 50ish Battle Royales I’ve been blessed to be a part of. That doesn’t mean I don’t have a lot of fun playing for about an hour a week with my guy-pals (I like to say gal-pals when talking about my #DaughterSquad, but I don’t think it translates when talking about my Milliron Sports co-workers and friends). Last night I hopped on to play a few round with former co-hosts of the Nati Boys, Whitty, Jefe and DB. Boy, were we having a load of fun. First, I flew a plane off the cliff killing both Whitty and myself within seconds of starting the Battle Royal. That got a lot of laughs but really sent DB and Jefe up Shit Creek for the rest of the match. I didn’t feel too bad though, because I’m in the squad for laughs, not helping everyone win.

About halfway though one of our first Battle Royales, some random dude came flying up on me with a badass sword that resulted in your immediate death. It’s not as realistic as having to shoot someone 500 times for them to die like the rest of the game, but it is still pretty sweet nonetheless. I had never seen it, but I was quickly informed by my gamer pals (that sounds better) that it was part of the most recent season, which is extra confusing because I’ve never known video games to have seasons like TV shows, but what do I know? What I do know is I really want to have a crack at the Infinity Blade, and if I have to resort to using my umbrella on a subway instead, then so be it. 

This lady on the NYC Subway.. or is it the train? I get confused because I’ve never actually spent time in the city so nice they named it twice. Well, that’s not entirely true I guess. I took a cab from JFK to LaGuardia to catch a flight on my way back from Rome (not to brag), but that was my only experience in New York. Either way, I think there’s a train and a subway, but I don’t know the difference because I’m just a country bumpkin from the suburbs of Cincinnati.

This lady on the train (or subway) was having a rough day. Judging by the people trying to reason with her, it sounds like it happened in morning during everyone’s commute but it was in the city that never sleeps, so who’s to say where this crazy person was going to or coming from.

I don’t know what started it but it sounds like the girl had the audacity to stand by the door and mind her own business while also possibly taking up too much space for this lady’s liking. You never have that problem in your own car here in the Midwest, but I’m not here to judge people for where they choose to live.

Check out the videos below. The umbrella becomes a weapon with about a minute or so left in the first video and continues into the second.

Warning, if you’re dumb enough to listen to this out loud through your speakers at work, don’t. Toss in those headphones for me and enjoy.

That’s some pretty impressive swordswomanship. Is it possible this lady went to a prestigious prep school in Greenwich Village and her fencing instincts took over in a fight or flight adrenaline rush? Judging by the lack of Canada Goose patch on her sleeve and the fact that she’s on public transportation, I’m gonna say that’s a big time no. I’m thinking this lady is just crazy and had a little too much fun on Fortnite with her gal-pals last night just like me.

That could have been me assaulting a poor unsuspecting victim with my umbrella. We all know video games ruin our minds and cause us to do things we wouldn’t normally do. I played so much Madden in my college years that I fucked around and became an NFL first round pick. Video games influence us too much, man.

At least his lady probably got a free meal in the holding cell while she waited on the judge to hear her charges. Its more than I got from the Arizona Cardinals when I unsuspectingly showed up to training camp in 2010.

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