Charlotte Flair Is a Better Man Than I Am

Sweet mother of God. That looked painful.

For those of you unaware, tonight was WWE’s annual Tables, Ladders and Chairs pay-per-view. Speaking of which, I’m not really sure why they still call them pay-per-views in the WWE. You have to subscribe to the WWE Network (award winning, if you hadn’t heard) in order to watch any of the pay-per-views so you’re not really paying per view, if that makes sense.  Either way, that’s what was on tonight, running in concurrence with the Rams shitting the bed and not knowing how to get out of bounds when you don’t have any timeouts left. If you didn’t feel like watching 300lb men collide over and over again while you lost your bets, you could flip over to the WWE Network to see a bunch of overgrown human beings slam each other through tables, fall from 20ft ladders and get their ribs rearranged by metal chairs.

The main event was a triple threat ladder match between Charlotte Flair, Asuka and current SmackDown Live Women’s Champion Becky “The Man” Lynch. I’ve been a huge Becky Lynch fan since she debuted on the main roster and her rise to the top has been incredible, albeit a little later than deserved. As women’s wrestling evolves more into the mainstream we’re starting to see a lot more of what we’ve come to expect in the men’s matches. High flying, death defying and downright dangerous moves have been happening for a while now. In fact, Becky Lynch pulled off a similar move at the all women’s pay-per-view, Evolution, in October but it was done off a much smaller ladder. That attempt went a lot better than this one, and I’m not sure if it was because of a little extra flair (ba-da-bum) this time or if the table was just built with extra reinforcements.

Here’s one of Shane’s attempts to end the Undertaker’s life (and possibly his own) on an announcer’s table, for reference.

 

Becky’s attempt wasn’t off the top of a steel cage, but it might have been more dangerous simply because she wasn’t just going through the table. She was going through Charlotte AND the table from higher than the last time they did this spot. Ouch

I don’t know how Charlotte got up after that. Someone in the WWE’s props department didn’t factor in the vast difference in weight between their male superstars and female superstars when setting up the tables for this or severely underestimated the effect jumping from a higher, different angle would have. It doesn’t matter how “fake” wrestling is or how much you train; nothing prepares you for a person jumping off a 10ft ladder and landing squarely on your stomach. If I was Charlotte, I think I would’ve retired on the spot.

Nope, that’s it. I’ve made my money. I’m outta here. 

Lucky for us, Charlotte is a better man than I am and she finished the match despite the very real possibility that every single one of her organs is rearranged and bleeding. She even got in a little payback on Becky for the cannonball heard ’round the world.

Neither one of these ladies ended up winning the match after some interference from Ronda Rousey.

Congratulations to Asuka. You earned it and will be a good champion to hold the belt while they set up the Becky vs. Charlotte WrestleMania match.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go do some crunches to prepare myself for the next time someone tries to put me through a table from 15ft in the air.

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