Miguel Castro is the Son All of Our Mothers Wishes They Had

Jeez Miguel, way to raise the bar right before Mother’s Day is about to roll around. How in the hell are we supposed to top this? At first I had no idea why someone would get a chain with ‘human’ on it, but after a second review, it was clear it said ‘hi mom’.  Ah, yes.. that makes more sense.

Some people wave to the camera and mouth ‘hi mom’ when the camera scans past them. Players will often say hello to their families in post-game interviews. But not Mr. Castro. Why would he have to say it when he can wear it? And honestly, I fucking love this. I don’t know his sibling situation, but there’s absolutely no chance they can dethrone him as the favorite child at this point. First of all, he’s a Major Leaguer. That right there is enough to pretty much guarantee he’s the golden child of the family. But now he used all of that gold to say hi to his mom any time he’s on television. Who cares if the Orioles are a miserable team and giving up home runs at an alarming rate? When you’ve got Momma on your side, you can’t lose.

It’s just too bad Bart Simpson didn’t think of this whole chain angle back in 1989. He could’ve saved the family’s Christmas fund and saved himself a hell of a lot of pain. But hey, the Butterfly Effect from this ill-advised tattoo got them Santa’s Little Helper. And this time we didn’t even need to see a creepy Amy Smart, just Marge’s disgusting sisters.




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