Do Warning Tracks Need Crossing Guards? Eugenio Suárez (Probably) Says “Yes”

Let’s get past the fact that the Reds blew a 5-0 lead today with their ace and Cy Young candidate on the mound and focus on the collision that almost took out our All-Star third baseman.

A lot of people could try to place blame on Eugenio Suárez here for not looking both ways before crossing the warning track, but I’d remind them that it’s a fucking warning track and not a busy street. We don’t victim blame here at Milliron Sports, but if that’s the way the people of Milwaukee wanna play it, then so be it. If this was a deliberate attempt to take out our sure handed, home run hitting third baseman, then I feel inclined to remind them that the Reds have a squad of their own that will gladly take a run at the kid from Freaks and Geeks that plays right field for them. Does this like like a fearsome foursome you want coming after you?

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Yeah, I didn’t think so. Gapper is a wild card so there’s no telling which body part he’ll eat first. Mr. Redlegs is as old school as they come and was trained to bare knuckle box during his days in the military. Don’t let the playful demeanor of Mr. Red fool you. That son-of-a-bitch looks like he’s just a half a bottle of Wild Turkey away from laying down the beating of a lifetime. Rosie? She might look sweet and innocent but she’ll fight as dirty as Draymond Green in the NBA Playoffs. We’re talking kicks to the nuts, folks.

Image result for christian yelich freaks and geeks

That’s right Christian, you better wipe that smug look off your face and keep your head on a swivel the next time you come to Cincinnati.

We should be thankful that the baseball gods ruled in our favor on this one. With freak accidents like Yoenis Céspedes breaking his ankle at his horse ranch earlier in the week, it would’ve been easy for them to try to one up themselves by having Suárez miss the rest of the 2019 season after being trucked by an 8ft tall foam sausage. Its just too bad the baseball gods weren’t on the Reds’ side for things that actually mattered during the game, like the definition of a foul ball being redefined at the least opportune time and the Monstars of baseball stealing all of the talent out of our league leading pitching staff.

We’ll focus on those shortcomings some other time, perhaps over a few beers at the parade while looking back at how Eugenio Suárez escaping death in Milwaukee fueled the Reds’ World Series run.

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