Today I Learned: Drake’s Real Name is Aubrey [BONUS: Unofficial Famous Aubrey Power Rankings]

I know it’s always a little jarring when you learn an actor or rapper’s real name, but I can’t remember the last time one hit me as hard as this. How is Drake’s real name Aubrey? I know you can’t blame people for what their parents named them, but goddamn. Aubrey? That’s the furthest thing from a Canadian TV actor turned rapper’s name I’ve ever heard. Aubrey as a guy is hard to picture because all I can see is Aubrey Plaza.

Sure, Aubrey Huff had a decent career for the Giants, but I’ve never seen Drake hit a fastball. I’m guessing he can’t. Aubrey Huff could. Point Mr. Huff.

Is Drake as good looking as Aubrey Plaza? I say no. I’ve never seen Degrassi either, so I can’t speak for his acting ability but I’m gonna go out on a limb and say Drake wouldn’t have made a very good April Ludgate. Ron Swanson would’ve killed Drake on day one in Pawnee, no question about it.

So there you have it, Drake is the third best Aubrey that I know of, and that’s because I only know of three. If I knew 15, then he’d be 15th as long as none of them were mass murderers or fans of Gold Star Chili or something disgraceful like that.

I didn’t think my night would end by power ranking famous Aubreys, but life is funny sometimes.

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