When this first came across my timeline tonight, I thought it was an article from The Onion. Unfortunately for America, this is a real thing.
CNN – Instead of simply asking kids to eat salad dressing — or pretending the age-old condiment bears the hallmarks of a dessert staple — Kraft Heinz has introduced “Salad Frosting,” with the sweet tooth-invoking word right there on the label.
But here’s the catch: It’s just a slim tube of ranch dressing, relabeled so parents can trick kids into happily eating their vegetables.
I’m a parent. I know how difficult it can be to convince a toddler to eat something they don’t want to eat. But does anyone know a kid who refuses ranch dressing? Seriously. Show me that kid right now and I’ll show you a liar of a parent. That’s right, it’s you.
Ranch dressing is something you use as a bargaining chip to get the kids to eat vegetables and other wholesome foods. Carrots and grilled chicken are still semi-healthy when doused in a bucket of ranch. Want your deep fried “chicken product” from Wendy’s coated in ranch before you eat it? Why the hell not? At least it’s not another pack of fruit snacks you’re trying to eat for dinner. At least we got you the kids meal with apples instead of fries to help make up for it. Spoiler alert: even the apples get the ranch treatment.
That’s why my mind is fucking blown with this whole salad frosting thing. Just call it ranch. Every kid on the planet likes ranch dressing and if they won’t eat a few leafs of lettuce when covered in ranch, they’re not gonna eat it when it’s covered in “frosting”. That is, unless your kid is an idiot and falls for it. But I’ll let you cross that bridge when it comes.