Move Over McLovin, There’s a New Fake ID King in Town

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You thought McLovin was a sweet fake ID? Wait until you see what Thor’s been up to in Canada.

There are times when I consider myself lucky for the era I grew up in. I am 33-years-old and 10 years removed from college. Back in our college days, fake IDs weren’t out of the ordinary and a lot of times people just had the ID of their older sibling or cousin or someone who might kinda look like them if the bouncer is drunk enough to let it slide. Nowadays, the technology is getting out of control and allowing the government to issue IDs that are almost impossible to replicate, and if you do, it’s not gonna swipe if you go to a fancy bar or gas station that has that extra layer of security.

I never had a fake ID because I could’ve passed for 21 since around the age of 17 and I never had the balls to walk into a store to buy beer. If someone let me into the bar? Great. But I wasn’t about to risk getting in trouble just to pay to drink the same beer I could go get at a party for free.

*start old man voice*

Back in my day, if you had a fake ID you used it for beer and liquor, but now it would appear kids are using it to get the devil’s lettuce as well.

*end old man voice*

I’m not gonna lie, this is actually a pretty badass fake ID for so many reasons. You can tell immediately the ID was made by a teenager because of the address. 69 Big Hammer Ln? The address might as well have said “I’ve never been laid but I like to brag to my friends like I couldn’t possibly be banging more”. I know the Big Hammer has to do with Thor, but if you think for a second this kid wasn’t talking about his hog as well, well then I’ve got some ocean front property in Missouri to sell ya. Not only did they actually use Thor’s name, they used a picture of Chris Hemsworth himself. And it’s not even a picture that looks like something you’d see on an ID (unless things are different in Alberta). They used a fucking glamour shot. The DGAF factor of this whole operation is A+.

I went to Google to see how tall they’re actually saying they are too, and apparently 205cm would make him 6’8″. Everyone knows Chris Hemsworth is 6’3″ like the rest of us, so to tack on 5 inches just seems cocky. Maybe Thor is supposed to be 6’8″. I dunno. Either way it just seems silly to say you’re tall enough to play power forward for the Raptors when in reality you’re just some zit faced kid in an Oilers jersey stuffing your face with ketchup chips.

For some reason the height thing is bothering me more than the fact that they used the name Thor and a head shot of Chris Hemsworth that makes him look like he’s trying to get an audition for a romantic comedy.

Either way, this is an incredible fake ID. Not because I think it could’ve actually worked, but because of how little these people gave a fuck about making it believable. All the balls I never had were given to whoever was behind this one.

It’s also sad that I had to write about fake IDs because I didn’t have the courage to write about the Bengals bringing back Andre Smith for the 47th time.

 

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