What’s More Impressive? Swallowing an Engagement Ring or a Bottle Cap?

I’ve seen this story being passed around the internet today, but I’m not impressed one bit.

SAN DIEGO, Cali. (WSET) – A San Diego woman swallowed her wedding ring after falling asleep.

“I was having a dream that we were on a cargo train and it was a dangerous situation and Bobby told me you have to swallow your ring,” said Evans.

“When I woke up and it was not on my hand, I knew exactly where it was,” said Evans. “Where was it? It was in my stomach.”

At 8:00 a.m., they rushed to the emergency room and explained the situation to doctors.

The X-Ray confirmed their suspicions.

Evan’s gastroenterologist suggested an emergency endoscopy.

Why wouldn’t I be impressed with something bizarre like swallowing an engagement ring and having an x-ray showing the ring perfectly placed in your stomach? Maybe because I’ve lived that fucking story before, but mine was a Miller Lite bottle cap.

Impressed? Yeah, me too. I’m actually probably lucky to be alive. If that bad boy turns the wrong way or gets stuck in the wrong position, I would’ve choked harder than the Bengals in the playoffs. But lucky for me, it sat perfectly in my throat and allowed for the perfect x-ray.

And guess what? It didn’t even slow me down. I didn’t do a media tour or have the news tell my story*. All I was worried about was eating that next cheese coney, and I knew for every minute I wasted talking to a news station, that was a minute I couldn’t spend going through Skyline’s drive-thru.

Maybe someday I’ll tell the full story of how this happened, but until then just know that I’m not impressed one bit by this lady swallowing a wedding ring because she had a dream about getting robbed on a train. You can’t choke to death on a wedding ring. Call me when you flirt with death and come out on the other side laughing in death’s face with a mouth full of coneys.

*Full disclosure: I did go on The Chaps & Kate Show (formerly Hi Haters) on Sirius Barstool Power 85 to tell my story, but that was years after it happened so my point about making cheese coneys a priority still stands. 

PS- Congrats to the happy couple on their engagement. I’m glad you’re ok, but maybe next time swallow something deadly like a bottle cap if you want me to tip my cap.

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