Earlier today my internet buddy Clem from Barstool Sports posted a blog titled A Couple That Chugs Beers From 2 Girls’ Asses Together, Stays Together. [Click link for semi-NSFW video of two lovebirds chugging beers from bikini-clad asses on a balcony]
Reading the blog and watching the video got me to thinking… how much do you miss college? I can’t say for certain that this power couple is still in college, but I’d be willing to bet a few semesters of tuition on it. There’s not a care in the world on the balcony, so you know the open-handed slap of the real world hasn’t Rick James’d the life outta them yet.
All of us in our early to mid-30s can sit back and think about the glory days and how awesome it was to drink all day and night, manage to get some food in your stomach and wake up five hours to do it all over again. Throw in some chugging from Ye Olde Poop Luge? Buddy, that’s having yourself a Saturday.
We can go back for homecoming every fall to try to relive the glory days, but its just not on the same level. At some point you become the old guy at a bar hiding your insanely balding skull with a hat while wearing a sweatshirt even though it’s hot as shit in the bar just to hide the sweat stains on your t-shirt from walking all over goddamn campus and doing your best to not look out of place. Everyone knows that guy, right? I do. It’s me. No wonder we managed to stay in decent shape for
four five years despite eating nothing but late-night calzones and calling in endless deliveries of pizza to soak up the keg of Beast Light that you’ve had in a tub of ice all week.
We’re far enough removed from the glory days of college to appreciate the chaos and how it’s a miracle we made it out alive as functioning adults with real-ish jobs, but we’re also still in that timeframe where we’d give just about anything to go back to that life. Not to get all heavy on everyone but the daily gauntlet of the real world makes you realize only having $183 dollars in your bank account for the rest of the month wasn’t so bad, or having to meet for your group project on a Tuesday at 7:30pm when you’d rather be playing MLB The Show with your buddies was a manageable burden. Plus, depending on the class there might’ve been a decent looking chick or two in your group. Not quite the case for my Sports Administration curriculum, but that’s why I’m guessing they paired it up with the Business Administration minor… you’ve gotta throw all the future Athletic Directors and eventual Minor League Baseball Ticket Sellers a proverbial bone from time to time, right?
Everyone has songs that put them in a specific time and place. Most of the time it’s a song they always played with their roommates while pregaming or a song that was always played at their favorite bar at the end of the night. The great thing about those songs is they’re special to you and a select group of people. No matter how much time passes, you’re gonna belt out Take Me Home Tonight by Eddie Money or Don’t Stop Believin’ by Journey with your crew whenever it comes on. Very few songs can speak directly to an entire generation of Cube Monkeys that are missing the half-decade of partying on mom and dad or Sallie Mae’s dime. But somehow that crazy son of a bitch Asher Roth did it.
So there you have it. That song might not encapsulate exactly how your college nights went, but I think anyone who went to college before the era of smart phones and fancy apps can relate to it. Its probably best that nothing that was going on was being taped, much to Asher’s chagrin. But then again, maybe I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this blog after spending a full day in the office. I could’ve been a social media sensation for tackling bushes like a drunk Terry Tate that worked on a landscaping crew instead of wreaking havoc on poor schlubs in corporate America in hilarious and gone-too-soon commercial campaigns.
Then again, maybe I wouldn’t have been employable at all by anyone on the face of the earth. That’s for me to know and nobody to find out. **immediately scrubs Facebook for any pictures that got uploaded days after a party would take place in college**
That seems like a long, drawn out way to get you to watch an old Asher Roth music video but he pays me by the click so I’m glad you decided to read this. You owe it to yourself to go out and, as Asher so eloquently put it, “do sumthin’ crazy”.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go snuggle up under my Pubs of Athens poster with my Ohio University blanket that feels like a sweatshirt and sob quietly.Follow @BennyMacBlog