How Late is Too Late to Start Watching TV?

I’m sitting here at 1:14am (Eastern Time Zone, for reference) and I’m caught up in quite the predicament. Is it too late to start watching something on Netflix or Hulu? Perhaps Disney+ or Apple TV? Actually, Amazon Prime has some good options too. I really don’t know what I’d watch even if I decided to watch something. Fuck, I forgot about HBO Go. Now I really don’t know what to do. I know a lot of people are pissed off about some Emma show that charged $20 to stream. I looked it up and it doesn’t really look like my thing. Old timey stuff? Hard pass. But then again.. no. I can’t even act like I’d even consider it. There’s some tiger documentary out. Or Tiger Man or something. I heard it’s pretty fucked up so I’ll probably want to give that my full attention. I really need to start watching something that I can fall asleep to and not be bummed out if Hulu keeps playing through the night and I lose my spot. You see, Netflix gets shit on a lot for the “Are you still watching?” prompt that pops up around the sixth episode of The Office people are watching, but that is a huge asset for people like me who fall asleep before the intro stops playing on a lot of TV shows.

Speaking of TV show intros, when Dan and I were roomies at OU, we would always pass out to Chappelle’s Show DVDs and wake up to the intro song playing over and over again on the menu page after all of the episodes on that disc played.

Back then, streaming services weren’t in existence yet and you were forced to spend upwards of $30 per season of a TV show you really liked. Sometimes you could get them for $20, but that wasn’t something you could bank on. Around the holidays sometimes Whitty and I would cash in on the BOGO offer at Best Buy on HBO sets. Buddy, did we watch some Entourage and Curb Your Enthusiasm… mmmmm mmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmhhh.

But now that I don’t have to worry about DVDs or Blu-rays (because I packed them all up and put them in storage a few months ago), I have just about every streaming subscription known to mankind. If it streams video, I have it. Except for the premium sites with lady parts. I don’t pay for that. There’s all kinds of free sites for that. I’m happily married with two kids.

So what should I watch? I’ve been scrolling on my phone trying to find something that I can watch on my iPad. I know it makes no sense but its easier to hold a phone rather than sit here with an iPad while I ramble on and on in a blog that three people will read tomorrow morning while taking their morning dumps and hiding from their kids.

Maybe I’ll watch some more episodes of 30 Rock. Well, that might not be a good idea now that I think about it. It’s on Hulu and this is my first time watching the series so I don’t want to fall asleep in the middle of an episode and have the full season play through and have no idea where I was when I slipped in to dreamy dream world. That’s what I call it. Ok, I lied. I’ve literally never called it that and have no idea why I even typed it. It’s late and I’ve been balls deep on streaming apps for the past 45 minutes with no end in sight. Why can’t I pull the fucking trigger on what I wanna watch? I will fall asleep within the first three minutes anyway, so does it really matter? I guess it could. I could really get caught up in a show and the next thing I know it’s 5am and I have a 3-year-old standing in the hallway begging to go downstairs so she can jump on her trampoline and bogard the TV.

What to watch. What to watch… I could go with some Office, but I just watched a bunch of re-runs on Comedy Central. You know what’s weird about the episodes on Comedy Central though, is they blend a lot of episodes together and use scenes that weren’t in the original episodes to fill time. It can really throw you for a loop but is a nice Easter egg for Office aficionados. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia could be a good option too, but I never know where to start on those. I really like season one, but it really gets rolling when Frank shows up in season two. I can’t make a decision that tough tonight. That’s asking a lot for a guy who has been up since 4am and closing in on 24 straight hours of being awake.

Maybe I’ll just let fate decide. In college Whit made a great program for situations like this. Every movie and tv show we owned on DVD or Blu-ray was accounted for, even down to the disc number, seasons and episodes. If we were in a predicament like I’m finding myself in right now, all it took was clicking what genre we were in the mood for, pressing a button and *BAM*, it was decided. But we don’t have that luxury anymore and for some reason none of the streaming sites have random episode selections like that. The Simpsons website used to, but now they don’t. I don’t think that site was even legal, looking back on it. Oh well, I guess I dodged a bullet there.

Well shit. Now it’s 2:26am and I still don’t have anything to watch. I guess I’ll see if anything sounds good after walking up the steps. I doubt it, but it’s worth a shot.

“Sweet dreams sugar balls.”

That’s what I’d probably say to Jeff if we still lived together, but we don’t.

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