Today I Tried: Alert Caffeinated Gum

I’m not a coffee person. I can honestly say I’ve never tried a cup before in my life. The bitter smell never appealed to me, so as an adult needing a morning pick-me-up, I usually went with an energy drink (Red Bull, Monster Ultra and Kick Start’s being my go-to).

Well, apparently, energy drinks are awful for your heart, and since I’d like to stay alive to see a Cincinnati team finally make a post-season run in the late 2030’s, I figure I’d try to find some other way to wake up in the morning. The other day at Kroger, I saw this caffeine gum called Alert in the check-out aisle.

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I Think I listened to My Last Bit of ESPN Radio This Morning

How did we get here? I used to listen to ESPN radio at work all day long. I can barely stand to turn it on now.

This morning, during my commute to work, I heard Trey Wingo name all 18 holes of Augusta National golf course. Each hole has a specific name, which I had no idea. Hole number four is named Flowering Crab Apple, for example. Who fucking cares?

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Tom Brady Finally Impresses Me.

Super Bowl wins? Who cares?

Super model wife? Same.

Beer chugging champ? Okay, now you have my attention, Tommy.

As a former Beer Olympics Champion, I gotta hand it to Mr. Brady. That was one impressive chug. Regardless of how much distaste you may have for probably the greatest QB of all time, you can’t deny his greatness when it comes to slurping suds.

I would like to formally invite Tom to participate in the next Milliron Sports Beer Olympics, time/date still TBD. If I had to guess, he’s probably okay at beer pong too. I’ll take him on my team any day of the week.

side note: please be aware that points would have been deducted for a sloppy finish on that chug.

Mick Cronin Wins Sporting News Coach of the Year

They said it at the beginning of the year, but a lot of people were skeptical. This was going to be Mick Cronin’s best team since he took over the reigns from Andy Kennedy at Cincinnati.

This season, Cronin has done an outstanding job coaching the Bearcats, and today he was named the Sporting News Coach of the Year after leading Cincinnati to the outright AAC regular season title. This comes just a day after UC Senior F Gary Clark was named the AAC Player of the Year. Hard to argue with that selection; Clark has been a force all season.

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Justin Thomas Is a Snowflake

Embed from Getty Images


Justin Thomas got a victory this weekend at the Honda Classic, but not without controversy. He had to deal with a “rowdy” golf fan, and ended up having them thrown out of the gallery. He had this to say about the guy he had thrown off the course:

“We were walking up on the [16th tee] and this guy, I don’t know who he was talking to, but sounds like it was [to] me,” Thomas said in his post-round presser. “He said something like — he was like, ‘I hope you hit it in the water, hit it in the water,’ something like that. I just kind of like looked back there. Didn’t say anything.

“Just, again, I feel like there’s no place for that, and I hit it and my ball is in the air and it’s not — it’s in the middle of the fairway and he’s yelling for it to get in the bunker. I was like, okay, I’ve had enough. So I just turned around and asked who it was, and he didn’t want to say anything, now that I had actually acknowledged him. So he got to leave a couple holes early.


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James Harden EXPOSES Defender at Summer Camp


This poor kid will never recover. He’ll be in college in a few years, going to hook up with his first chick, and she’ll hesitantly recognize him before it clicks. “You’re the kid that got dunked on by James Harden, aren’t you?”

It’s a shame that the kid probably paid good money to be at this basketball camp, too. Harden didn’t teach him shit. He’s got his eyes on the defender instead of the ball. Even after he realizes that James is no longer dribbling, he turns around and sees the ball bounce, and still does nothing.

Actually now that I think about it, he probably learned everything about defense that Harden knew. That didn’t take long.

Also, the guy celebrating at the end, like Harden wasn’t supposed to be able to just demolish this kid on the basketball court. A little over the top, no?

With that Tide sign creeping in the background the whole shot, I thought for sure I was about to be duped again:

Image result for it's a tide ad


Seeing Griffey Hold Up That Reds Jersey…

I’ll never forget it. I probably still have the newspaper clipping that my grandma cut out for me somewhere in my basement, along with the rest of my baseball cards and memorabilia from my childhood.

18 years ago this past weekend, the Reds fortunes were supposed to change. Griffey was the end-all-be-all baseball star of the 90’s. Shoes, magazines, video games, television commercials. Griffey was everything. If you grew up in the 90’s, you were a fan of Michael Jordan, and you were a fan of Junior. I turned 14 two weeks after he signed to my hometown team, and got two different Griffey jerseys for my birthday. The city was buzzing with Reds talk, and dreams of another World Series run, which hadn’t happened in a decade.

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DB’s Best Thing Seen On Reddit: 2/6/18

Full disclosure: this isn’t really from today, but hey, who cares. I saw it over the weekend and can’t stop thinking about it, so here it is: $17.5 million in a bedframe.

Apparently these were funds allegedly “earned” in a pyramid scheme. The person that had gotten the funds tried to launder it, and boom, they got busted. If I’m the cop that walks in on this $17.5 million, I’m retiring tomorrow. Looks like there’s only $10 million there to me. I’m heading to Aruba.

It’s good to know that a standard bedframe can probably hold close to $30 million though, for my future in pyramid scheming. Apparently this person was just one part in a multi-billion dollar scheme of home phone/internet package sales. That means that a lot of people probably got away with it. It’s almost worth the risk. Almost.

Okay, back to my soul-sucking desk job. Maybe I’ll win the lottery soon. I can dream, can’t I?

Super Easy Super Bowl Recipes

Sup fam? If you’re anything like me, when the Super Bowl rolls around and you’re invited to someone’s house to watch the game, you’re looking for the easiest thing to bring that doesn’t make you look lazy. If you just bring a bag of chips, someone may call you out for being a cheapskate and putting no time/effort into what you brought.

I’ve got a solution for you. The following recipes are super-fucking easy, and reasonably priced so you won’t disappoint your mother once again. Also, they happen to be delicious. Tell me what you think when you’ve tried them.

Bagels & Cheese Dip


  • 2 bricks of cream cheese
  • 2 jars of Old English spread
  • Garlic powder
  • Bagels, cut up for dipping


  1. Mash the cream cheese and Old English spread together. Really whip it up, whip it real good.
  2. Sprinkle in the garlic powder as you mix until it tastes good.
  3. Dip your bagel in it, and enjoy. You get to decide whether you share it with others or keep it all to yourself.

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Saying Goodbye to Jeremy Hill

On Wednesday, Bengals RB Jeremy Hill posted the above tweet and video. As a Bengals fan, I’m not 100% sure how to feel about his departure. His four seasons here were so hit or miss (mostly miss after his rookie campaign). He showed so much promise in his rookie season that went on to go unfulfilled.

Did some of the lack of production in 2015 and 2016 have to do with awful O-line play? Of course. But, it also felt like he tried to change his running style to mimic Le’Veon Bell, where you hesitate and wait for the holes that never showed up. Running downhill was much more productive for him, and he seemed to lose that function of his game after 2014. His 1100 yards in 2014 shrunk to 800 in 2015 with the same amount of carries.

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