A.J. Green Expected to Miss More Time Than Originally Thought With Foot Injury. Shit

This is the definition of “not ideal”. The Bengals have fought the injury bug all season on both sides of the ball, but this seems to be the injury that will send the Bengals into a downward spiral. Tyler Boyd has been a huge success but it’s largely a product of A.J. Green drawing a lot of attention from defenses. Speedster John Ross hasn’t been able to stay on the field and they’re currently on their 428th tight end. Giovanni Bernard should be returning soon, but hopefully Joe Mixon is ready to carry the ball 60 times a game.

I was excited for the bye week because I could sit around and enjoy the games without being stressed out by the Bengals. Once again, the team that will put me in the grave before I’m 40 has decided to ruin another Sunday for me. And they’re not even playing. Figure that one out.

It Took 13 Games for the Blue Jackets to Have Their First Fighting Major, but It Was Worth the Wait

I’m not gonna lie, it wasn’t looking good for our captain Nick Foligno early on in the fight. Phaneuf is a pretty big guy and he appears to have studied up on Foligno’s fighting abilities because it was clear he wanted no part of standing toe-to-toe with the Blue Jackets’ fearless captain. But man, once Foligno got free..

awkward

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Wake Up With The Best of Rafi From The League

I’m sure by now you’re either looking forward to the 2019 fantasy football season or praying Patrick Mahomes doesn’t get hurt during your playoff run. Either way, I think we can all agree that every fantasy league has an… uhhh, let’s say “interesting” member. The hit show The League on FX and FXX was no different. If it wasn’t Taco making us laugh because he was too stoned to care about starting a full roster, it was Rafi making us laugh and want to puke at the same time. Regardless of where you’re at on the fantasy football spectrum for the remainder of the season, I think we should all take some time to appreciate Rafi. Have yourself a Wednesday, folks.

EXTREMELY NSFW (NOT SAFE FOR WORK, FOR JEFE)

offensive brutecant look away

Mr. Feeny Is Too Busy Fighting Burglars to Die

Talk about a classic “crap your pants while you’re driving home from the zoo” moment when I came across this headline at a red light (no texting/tweeting while driving in my reasonably priced luxury sedan). Mr. Feeny dying would be the saddest non-family member bad news I think I could receive. I’m not even willing to put any of my friends ahead of Mr. Feeny, because unlike my friends, Mr. Feeny was always there for me from 2-3pm on ABC Family. I don’t wanna point any fingers or call anyone out but sometimes Whitty won’t respond to my texts for up to 2 minutes after I send them. Again, not to call anyone out but did Mr. Feeny ever show up 2 minutes late during the weekdays? That’s what I thought.   Continue reading

Rae Carruth Is a Free Man and People Are Trying To Buy His Jersey. Meanwhile Brendan Dassey Can’t Watch WrestleMania

By now you’ve heard that Rae Carruth, quite possibly the most despicable human being on the planet, was released from prison after serving 19 years for conspiring to murder his 8-month pregnant girlfriend. I’m not sure how someone like that ever gets out of prison, but that’s not why I’m here. I’ll let Whitty break that down in his upcoming soccer blogs.

My biggest gripe is the idiots that are celebrating his release by trying to buy his jersey. I understood the Michael Vick Halloween costumes where they’d have their dog with them. I didn’t think it was funny, but I saw why a 19-year-old college sophomore might. I was busy wearing a very tight Spider-Man costume and a Woopie Cushion costume that I turned inside out and wrote “DOUCHE BAG” on it. Much much better than wearing a Michael Vick jersey with my dog by my side, right? I like to think a lot of people were walking around Halloween parties in the mid-90’s wearing poor-fitting leather gloves. It’s too bad we didn’t have cameras back then to document such parties, but hopefully researches will find a stone tablet with that image chiseled into it someday.

oj gloves

Can we take a second to appreciate how awesome the officer on the right is? When he’s not escorting former NFL running backs through the courtroom I bet he’s busy yelling at his kids for turning up the thermostat and asking his wife “how on God’s green earth someone can spend $13 at Smoothie King”.  Continue reading

David Bell Named Reds Manager, Time to Start World Series Parade Planning

Is this a bit of an overreaction on my part? Maybe, but why be a fan if you can’t get excited about a major organizational change  that seems to be the right move? It might also be the fact that I’m in a good mood because the Bengals haven’t had the chance to break my heart yet today.  Continue reading