Today I Tried: Alert Caffeinated Gum

I’m not a coffee person. I can honestly say I’ve never tried a cup before in my life. The bitter smell never appealed to me, so as an adult needing a morning pick-me-up, I usually went with an energy drink (Red Bull, Monster Ultra and Kick Start’s being my go-to).

Well, apparently, energy drinks are awful for your heart, and since I’d like to stay alive to see a Cincinnati team finally make a post-season run in the late 2030’s, I figure I’d try to find some other way to wake up in the morning. The other day at Kroger, I saw this caffeine gum called Alert in the check-out aisle.

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I Think I listened to My Last Bit of ESPN Radio This Morning

How did we get here? I used to listen to ESPN radio at work all day long. I can barely stand to turn it on now.

This morning, during my commute to work, I heard Trey Wingo name all 18 holes of Augusta National golf course. Each hole has a specific name, which I had no idea. Hole number four is named Flowering Crab Apple, for example. Who fucking cares?

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Tom Brady Finally Impresses Me.

Super Bowl wins? Who cares?

Super model wife? Same.

Beer chugging champ? Okay, now you have my attention, Tommy.

As a former Beer Olympics Champion, I gotta hand it to Mr. Brady. That was one impressive chug. Regardless of how much distaste you may have for probably the greatest QB of all time, you can’t deny his greatness when it comes to slurping suds.

I would like to formally invite Tom to participate in the next Milliron Sports Beer Olympics, time/date still TBD. If I had to guess, he’s probably okay at beer pong too. I’ll take him on my team any day of the week.

side note: please be aware that points would have been deducted for a sloppy finish on that chug.

Mick Cronin Wins Sporting News Coach of the Year

They said it at the beginning of the year, but a lot of people were skeptical. This was going to be Mick Cronin’s best team since he took over the reigns from Andy Kennedy at Cincinnati.

This season, Cronin has done an outstanding job coaching the Bearcats, and today he was named the Sporting News Coach of the Year after leading Cincinnati to the outright AAC regular season title. This comes just a day after UC Senior F Gary Clark was named the AAC Player of the Year. Hard to argue with that selection; Clark has been a force all season.

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Justin Thomas Is a Snowflake

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Justin Thomas got a victory this weekend at the Honda Classic, but not without controversy. He had to deal with a “rowdy” golf fan, and ended up having them thrown out of the gallery. He had this to say about the guy he had thrown off the course:

“We were walking up on the [16th tee] and this guy, I don’t know who he was talking to, but sounds like it was [to] me,” Thomas said in his post-round presser. “He said something like — he was like, ‘I hope you hit it in the water, hit it in the water,’ something like that. I just kind of like looked back there. Didn’t say anything.

“Just, again, I feel like there’s no place for that, and I hit it and my ball is in the air and it’s not — it’s in the middle of the fairway and he’s yelling for it to get in the bunker. I was like, okay, I’ve had enough. So I just turned around and asked who it was, and he didn’t want to say anything, now that I had actually acknowledged him. So he got to leave a couple holes early.

Seriously?

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James Harden EXPOSES Defender at Summer Camp

 

This poor kid will never recover. He’ll be in college in a few years, going to hook up with his first chick, and she’ll hesitantly recognize him before it clicks. “You’re the kid that got dunked on by James Harden, aren’t you?”

It’s a shame that the kid probably paid good money to be at this basketball camp, too. Harden didn’t teach him shit. He’s got his eyes on the defender instead of the ball. Even after he realizes that James is no longer dribbling, he turns around and sees the ball bounce, and still does nothing.

Actually now that I think about it, he probably learned everything about defense that Harden knew. That didn’t take long.

Also, the guy celebrating at the end, like Harden wasn’t supposed to be able to just demolish this kid on the basketball court. A little over the top, no?

With that Tide sign creeping in the background the whole shot, I thought for sure I was about to be duped again:

Image result for it's a tide ad

 

Seeing Griffey Hold Up That Reds Jersey…

I’ll never forget it. I probably still have the newspaper clipping that my grandma cut out for me somewhere in my basement, along with the rest of my baseball cards and memorabilia from my childhood.

18 years ago this past weekend, the Reds fortunes were supposed to change. Griffey was the end-all-be-all baseball star of the 90’s. Shoes, magazines, video games, television commercials. Griffey was everything. If you grew up in the 90’s, you were a fan of Michael Jordan, and you were a fan of Junior. I turned 14 two weeks after he signed to my hometown team, and got two different Griffey jerseys for my birthday. The city was buzzing with Reds talk, and dreams of another World Series run, which hadn’t happened in a decade.

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