How Late is Too Late to Start Watching TV?

I’m sitting here at 1:14am (Eastern Time Zone, for reference) and I’m caught up in quite the predicament. Is it too late to start watching something on Netflix or Hulu? Perhaps Disney+ or Apple TV? Actually, Amazon Prime has some good options too. I really don’t know what I’d watch even if I decided to watch something. Fuck, I forgot about HBO Go. Now I really don’t know what to do. I know a lot of people are pissed off about some Emma show that charged $20 to stream. I looked it up and it doesn’t really look like my thing. Old timey stuff? Hard pass. But then again.. no. I can’t even act like I’d even consider it. There’s some tiger documentary out. Or Tiger Man or something. I heard it’s pretty fucked up so I’ll probably want to give that my full attention. I really need to start watching something that I can fall asleep to and not be bummed out if Hulu keeps playing through the night and I lose my spot. You see, Netflix gets shit on a lot for the “Are you still watching?” prompt that pops up around the sixth episode of The Office people are watching, but that is a huge asset for people like me who fall asleep before the intro stops playing on a lot of TV shows.

Speaking of TV show intros, when Dan and I were roomies at OU, we would always pass out to Chappelle’s Show DVDs and wake up to the intro song playing over and over again on the menu page after all of the episodes on that disc played.

Back then, streaming services weren’t in existence yet and you were forced to spend upwards of $30 per season of a TV show you really liked. Sometimes you could get them for $20, but that wasn’t something you could bank on. Around the holidays sometimes Whitty and I would cash in on the BOGO offer at Best Buy on HBO sets. Buddy, did we watch some Entourage and Curb Your Enthusiasm… mmmmm mmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmhhh.

But now that I don’t have to worry about DVDs or Blu-rays (because I packed them all up and put them in storage a few months ago), I have just about every streaming subscription known to mankind. If it streams video, I have it. Except for the premium sites with lady parts. I don’t pay for that. There’s all kinds of free sites for that. I’m happily married with two kids.

So what should I watch? I’ve been scrolling on my phone trying to find something that I can watch on my iPad. I know it makes no sense but its easier to hold a phone rather than sit here with an iPad while I ramble on and on in a blog that three people will read tomorrow morning while taking their morning dumps and hiding from their kids.

Maybe I’ll watch some more episodes of 30 Rock. Well, that might not be a good idea now that I think about it. It’s on Hulu and this is my first time watching the series so I don’t want to fall asleep in the middle of an episode and have the full season play through and have no idea where I was when I slipped in to dreamy dream world. That’s what I call it. Ok, I lied. I’ve literally never called it that and have no idea why I even typed it. It’s late and I’ve been balls deep on streaming apps for the past 45 minutes with no end in sight. Why can’t I pull the fucking trigger on what I wanna watch? I will fall asleep within the first three minutes anyway, so does it really matter? I guess it could. I could really get caught up in a show and the next thing I know it’s 5am and I have a 3-year-old standing in the hallway begging to go downstairs so she can jump on her trampoline and bogard the TV.

What to watch. What to watch… I could go with some Office, but I just watched a bunch of re-runs on Comedy Central. You know what’s weird about the episodes on Comedy Central though, is they blend a lot of episodes together and use scenes that weren’t in the original episodes to fill time. It can really throw you for a loop but is a nice Easter egg for Office aficionados. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia could be a good option too, but I never know where to start on those. I really like season one, but it really gets rolling when Frank shows up in season two. I can’t make a decision that tough tonight. That’s asking a lot for a guy who has been up since 4am and closing in on 24 straight hours of being awake.

Maybe I’ll just let fate decide. In college Whit made a great program for situations like this. Every movie and tv show we owned on DVD or Blu-ray was accounted for, even down to the disc number, seasons and episodes. If we were in a predicament like I’m finding myself in right now, all it took was clicking what genre we were in the mood for, pressing a button and *BAM*, it was decided. But we don’t have that luxury anymore and for some reason none of the streaming sites have random episode selections like that. The Simpsons website used to, but now they don’t. I don’t think that site was even legal, looking back on it. Oh well, I guess I dodged a bullet there.

Well shit. Now it’s 2:26am and I still don’t have anything to watch. I guess I’ll see if anything sounds good after walking up the steps. I doubt it, but it’s worth a shot.

“Sweet dreams sugar balls.”

That’s what I’d probably say to Jeff if we still lived together, but we don’t.

Wake Up With Michael Scott Meeting David Brent

If you haven’t heard (which just means you haven’t been online and are very unlikely to be reading this blog to begin with), Ricky Gervais absolutely killed it at the Golden Globes last night. He was hosting for the fifth and final time (his words), so his DGAF attitude was turned up to about 143%.  For example: 

Anyway, seeing him roast the Hollywood elite reminded me of how great it was when his character from the original British version of The Office (David Brent), met the U.S. version (Michael Scott). I never watched the original Office series outside of the very first episode, which was practically recreated scene for scene in as the pilot of the U.S. version. It had its moments, but British humor, I’m sorry, humour has never really been my thing. I like Ricky Gervais in just about anything he does or when he hosts things like The Golden Globes, and I watched the shit outta Mr. Bean when I was younger (shoutout the wicked 1-2 punch that was Mr. Bean and The Red Green Show back in the day). But other than those two very specific examples, just not my bag, baby.

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So here ya go.. what you clicked the blog for. Enjoy Michael Scott and David Brent meeting for the first time on The Office.

 

Happy Presidents Day. Celebrate With “I’m Sprung” by T-Pain

If you asked me to pick a song to describe 2005, it’s gotta be “I’m Sprung” by T-Pain. It’s not because that song spoke to me in any particular way, but it’s because Jefe played it on a loop in the dorms at OU. I’m not gonna say the song isn’t incredible, but I’m gonna say it’s not quite as enjoyable on the 13th time through when you’re waiting to leave for your 3pm accounting class.

After a while we just had to start finding humor in certain parts of the song and choreography of the video. You know, things like Continue reading

After Playing Too Much Fortnite, NYC Woman Turns Umbrella Into Infinity Blade

I’m not gonna sit here and act like I’m a Fortnite expert. I think I’ve killed fewer than 3 people in the 50ish Battle Royales I’ve been blessed to be a part of. That doesn’t mean I don’t have a lot of fun playing for about an hour a week with my guy-pals (I like to say gal-pals when talking about my #DaughterSquad, but I don’t think it translates when talking about my Milliron Sports co-workers and friends). Last night I hopped on to play a few round with former co-hosts of the Nati Boys, Whitty, Jefe and DB. Boy, were we having a load of fun. First, I flew a plane off the cliff killing both Whitty and myself within seconds of starting the Battle Royal. That got a lot of laughs but really sent DB and Jefe up Shit Creek for the rest of the match. I didn’t feel too bad though, because I’m in the squad for laughs, not helping everyone win.

About halfway though one of our first Battle Royales, some random dude came flying up on me with a badass sword that resulted in your immediate death. It’s not as realistic as having to shoot someone 500 times for them to die like the rest of the game, but it is still pretty sweet nonetheless. I had never seen it, but I was quickly informed by my gamer pals (that sounds better) that it was part of the most recent season, which is extra confusing because I’ve never known video games to have seasons like TV shows, but what do I know? What I do know is I really want to have a crack at the Infinity Blade, and if I have to resort to using my umbrella on a subway instead, then so be it.  Continue reading

Mr. Feeny Is Too Busy Fighting Burglars to Die

Talk about a classic “crap your pants while you’re driving home from the zoo” moment when I came across this headline at a red light (no texting/tweeting while driving in my reasonably priced luxury sedan). Mr. Feeny dying would be the saddest non-family member bad news I think I could receive. I’m not even willing to put any of my friends ahead of Mr. Feeny, because unlike my friends, Mr. Feeny was always there for me from 2-3pm on ABC Family. I don’t wanna point any fingers or call anyone out but sometimes Whitty won’t respond to my texts for up to 2 minutes after I send them. Again, not to call anyone out but did Mr. Feeny ever show up 2 minutes late during the weekdays? That’s what I thought.   Continue reading

I’m Convinced The Undertaker Is Trying to Die in the Ring

Every year we hear that it’s the last of the Deadman. Every year the WWE needs filler or a big name to try to drum up more WWE Network subscriptions right before WrestleMania. This year the “Undertaker is back” story line got started a little early because of their show in Australia where he’ll take on Triple H FOR. THE. LAST. TIME. EVER! *wink*wink*  Continue reading

Personal Foul Adam Jones

Well, folks, we waited most of the summer for Adam Jones news and we finally have it. For those of you who haven’t seen the fight (view below), Adam Jones was in an altercation with an airport employee (Big Surprise). Before you comment, I understand according to authorities he was defending himself, but come on you’re Adam “PacMan” Jones, just walk away when someone gestures or yells towards you. I have a very hard time feeling bad for someone like Adam Jones who is so easily drawn into an altercation time after time year after year. His temper and inability to just walk away has not only brought him legal trouble/financial ramifications, but it has also cost the Bengals games. It should be obvious based on him still being a free agent, but I really hope the Bengals have finally moved from this clown.

Warning: Explicit Language