NYC Resident Doesn’t Understand Math, Embarrasses Herself By Calling Out Local Butcher Shop

Man, these are rough and boring times. Everyone seems to be on edge because of the unknown and uncertainty of when things will start to get back to normal. But for the most part, it seems like everyone has come together and rallied against the common enemy (go fuck yourself Coronavirus).

Ok, so maybe I wished hemorrhoids upon people who are hoarding toilet paper like we’re about to have a nuclear holocaust, but that’s just pure insanity. Are you going to be home more frequently and using your own toilet paper instead of the single ply toilet paper at Target while your wife circles around the impulse buy stuff right next to the Starbucks, texting “are you almost done?” several times before just telling you to meet her by the kid’s clothes. But the fact of the matter is there’s absolutely no reason for every single store in every single town to be sold out of toilet paper. People just aren’t shitting that much! And I think I’d know. People are cooking at home more and unable to go drink at a bar. No liquor? No 3AM food runs? No need for a spare bedroom full of Charmin, pal.

Ok, so back to this crazy lady. I am sure she’s very flustered and has been going through a lot. New York City seems to be a hotbed for Coronavirus and a lot of people think it will get worse before we even start to have hope that it’ll get better. I’m not a doctor or scientist, so it’s not really my place to say. Apparently, she’s no doctor or scientist either.. or someone who can pass third grade math.

Sweet Jesus, it’s even worse when you see how much she dug in. You see, the math is pretty simple. Luckily the butcher’s social media person (who I’m assuming is just the same person who is working at the counter) was readily available to point it out.

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It’s been all day and there’s been no response from Jennifer. Either her phone died and she has no idea she’s getting roasted all over Twitter or she’s too embarrassed to even respond. Personally, I’d just delete the tweet, but I’d also never go at the neck of a company online and make such a simple, stupid math error like that. Different strokes for different folks, as I always say.

I look forward to Jennifer’s next tweet. Not the point that I’ll follow her, but I’ll keep checking back and report. If she has any self awareness, she’ll just post a picture of the cooked ribeyes without a caption.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some toilet paper duties to take care of.

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Cookin’ With Mac – Reverse Searing a Steak

If you’ve ever followed along on twitter dot com or read any of my blogs (thank you to the dozen or so that have) you probably think that most of my meals come via drive-thru or delivery. When I’m in charge of my own feast, I’d say you probably have a 95% chance of being right in assuming that. However, I am a family man and with that responsibility comes home cooked meals. Tonight’s venture into the culinary arts is the reverse sear. Cooking a steak in the oven until it’s internal temperature reaches 125-degrees for a medium rare strip steak? What kinda madness is this? you might be asking yourself.

 

I don’t know how well they turned out yet. I’m using the ten minutes required for the steaks to rest to write this #FoodBlog. If it sucks, you can expect a few tweets from the Taco Bell drive-thru later tonight. If it’s good, I’ll be sure to let you know how I’m ready to open my own steak house. You’re all invited to the grand opening. Except Jefe. I can’t risk it on my first night when all of the food critics are in town.

 

Introducing Mac’s Cincinnati Chili Tour

You may or may not know it, but we like our chili in Cincinnati. Coneys. 3-Ways. Burritos. Wraps. You name it. If it’s got chili on it, we’ll eat it. Some stuck up people from outside of the tri-state area might try to say it’s not actually “chili” by the true definition and is more of a meat sauce or whatever. Maybe they’re right. Truth be told, I don’t care. We call it chili and that’s what we eat multiple times a week.

And despite what Ron White might think… we probably are the Chili Capital of the World in a lot of ways.

 

First of all, who in Cincinnati actually sounds like that? I’ve lived here all my life outside of the four five years I spent on the Ohio University campus in Athens, Ohio and an additional four years in yuppie neighborhoods on the outskirts of Columbus, Ohio. Sure we could walk to bars (we walked because we didn’t have Range Rovers and BMWs like everyone else) but there wasn’t a chili parlor in sight. That’s why I said “enough is enough” and moved back to the Chili Capital of the World where I could indulge as much as my heart could handle.

Yesterday was National Chili Day, and boy, was Cincinnati excited.

Ok, that’s not a Cincinnati one, but it’s one of my favorite South Park episodes so I had to include it.

Everyone on Twitter was pledging their allegiance to their favorite chili spot, which led to the ultimate question in Cincinnati… something with an answer almost as important as where you went to high school…..

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.

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Channel 12, you sonuvabitch. You just wanna watch the world city burn, don’t ya?

Honestly, there’s probably no wrong answer other than G*ld St*r. You might as well eat the bubonic plague infested shit of a million rats if you’re willing to stoop as low as that. But I digress.

So this whole thing got me to thinking…

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I’ve been a Skyline Chili guy my entire life. I’ve had a few other chili parlors around Cincinnati, but not enough to definitively rate, review and rank the different chili hot spots from around the tri-state area. In comes Mac’s signature “over-promise, tardy deliver”…

chili tweet 1

As you can tell from the above, this tweet set the chili world on fire. We’re talking Skyline’s habanero cheese level of fire flame emojis. 1 RT and 5 Likes don’t happen every day. And before you ask, no I don’t buy Twitter followers and likes. This is au naturel baby. The city was abuzz. Parents pulled their children out of school so they wouldn’t miss the announcement.

What did Mac have planned? What could he possibly do that would top eating 400 coneys in nine months just to be outshined by someone else who decided to eat more of the greatest culinary discovery since people discovered you had to cook meat before you ate it so you didn’t get sick?

Truth be told – even I wasn’t 100% sure. I knew I wanted to check out a lot of different chili places but in order to not be shamed for it, I knew I had to turn it into content. I needed more time to think.

chili tweet 2 One (1) Like. Ouch. Looks like the delay killed my massive audience. Oh well. I’ve already convinced myself to eat chili nonstop for the rest of the year, so the fact that I lost four likes and one retweet isn’t gonna stop me from doing it. Onward.

So here it is. I’m going to make a list of all the different chili parlors and delis/diners that offer our city’s gift to the world. Everyone has their favorite so I’m going to be relying heavily on you, the readers.. haha right.. reader to suggest places to go that I may have missed on my list. I will be getting a 3-way and a coney at each stop, and I’m going to try to pair the stops with Reds home games when possible, so anyone who wants to follow along is welcome to join. Each item will receive an individual rating and an overall score will be given to each place. It’s not gonna just be an average of the two menu item’s respective scores. I’ll rate the 3-way, coney and overall experience. Things like TVs with sports, drink offerings, Cincinnati touch, and a bunch of other variables will come into play.

So there it is. Aren’t you glad you waited an extra day and read all of this just to find out I came up with another excuse to eat coneys more than I probably should?

My hope is that people can follow along and enjoy the journey rather than get pissy if I give your favorite place a 7.4/10 instead of the 10/10 you think it deserves. Everyone likes things their own way. Some people like Skyline’s 3-ways while preferring the coneys at Blue Ash Chili. Some people prefer making their own 3-ways at home rather than eating noodles that were cooked hours ago. “Amateur 3-way” isn’t just a category on your favorite adult sites, folks.

I’m going to sit down this weekend and map out the order of the places I plan to visit. Places closer to downtown will probably get hit on Reds game days and places out in the ‘burbs will be squeezed in on random weeknights and weekends. If your grandma has a famous family chili recipe and you want me to try it, I’ll try it. Just promise not to murder me. And if you are planning on murdering me, please let me know ahead of time so I can bring along a certain member of Riverfront Radio that is big enough to defend me take a bullet for me. Not naming any names, but Jefe.

Disclaimer: This has nothing a lot to do with Skyline apparently taking me off of their mailing list and missing out on the sweet swag box they gave everyone else yesterday. I just hope they didn’t just chase me into the arms of a different chili parlor over a XXL tshirt, some sweet coasters and pint glasses. It’d be a real shame. Reaaallllllllll shaaaaaaaaaaaaammmeeeeee.

 

LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

What’s More Impressive? Swallowing an Engagement Ring or a Bottle Cap?

I’ve seen this story being passed around the internet today, but I’m not impressed one bit.

SAN DIEGO, Cali. (WSET) – A San Diego woman swallowed her wedding ring after falling asleep.

“I was having a dream that we were on a cargo train and it was a dangerous situation and Bobby told me you have to swallow your ring,” said Evans.

“When I woke up and it was not on my hand, I knew exactly where it was,” said Evans. “Where was it? It was in my stomach.”

At 8:00 a.m., they rushed to the emergency room and explained the situation to doctors.

The X-Ray confirmed their suspicions.

Evan’s gastroenterologist suggested an emergency endoscopy.

Why wouldn’t I be impressed with something bizarre like swallowing an engagement ring and having an x-ray showing the ring perfectly placed in your stomach? Maybe because I’ve lived that fucking story before, but mine was a Miller Lite bottle cap. Continue reading

In an Effort to Get More Kids Eating Salads, Kraft is Rebranding Ranch Dressing as Salad Frosti….What the Fuck?

When this first came across my timeline tonight, I thought it was an article from The Onion. Unfortunately for America, this is a real thing. Continue reading

I Will Not Dip My Hamburger in Ketchup Like Andy Warhol

Let’s face it, the Super Bowl commercials sucked for about the 15th year in a row. I remember a stretch of a few years where the commercial breaks were filled with laughter and badass scenes that were shot well enough to be in a movie. Now we get a bunch of stupid shit with brands trying to be too safe or a million “Coming to CBS” promos. The Burger King Andy Warhol commercial made me angrier than seeing the Patriots win their 48th straight Super Bowl. Continue reading

Preparing For NFL’s Championship Sunday

If you’re looking for game predictions, you’ve come to the wrong place I’ll include them at the end of this blog. If you’re not a fan of one of the four remaining teams, today is more about food, beer, gambling and watching fans of teams you hate suffer through the agony of defeat.

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Continue reading