What’s More Impressive? Swallowing an Engagement Ring or a Bottle Cap?

I’ve seen this story being passed around the internet today, but I’m not impressed one bit.

SAN DIEGO, Cali. (WSET) – A San Diego woman swallowed her wedding ring after falling asleep.

“I was having a dream that we were on a cargo train and it was a dangerous situation and Bobby told me you have to swallow your ring,” said Evans.

“When I woke up and it was not on my hand, I knew exactly where it was,” said Evans. “Where was it? It was in my stomach.”

At 8:00 a.m., they rushed to the emergency room and explained the situation to doctors.

The X-Ray confirmed their suspicions.

Evan’s gastroenterologist suggested an emergency endoscopy.

Why wouldn’t I be impressed with something bizarre like swallowing an engagement ring and having an x-ray showing the ring perfectly placed in your stomach? Maybe because I’ve lived that fucking story before, but mine was a Miller Lite bottle cap. Continue reading

In an Effort to Get More Kids Eating Salads, Kraft is Rebranding Ranch Dressing as Salad Frosti….What the Fuck?

When this first came across my timeline tonight, I thought it was an article from The Onion. Unfortunately for America, this is a real thing. Continue reading

I Will Not Dip My Hamburger in Ketchup Like Andy Warhol

Let’s face it, the Super Bowl commercials sucked for about the 15th year in a row. I remember a stretch of a few years where the commercial breaks were filled with laughter and badass scenes that were shot well enough to be in a movie. Now we get a bunch of stupid shit with brands trying to be too safe or a million “Coming to CBS” promos. The Burger King Andy Warhol commercial made me angrier than seeing the Patriots win their 48th straight Super Bowl. Continue reading

Preparing For NFL’s Championship Sunday

If you’re looking for game predictions, you’ve come to the wrong place I’ll include them at the end of this blog. If you’re not a fan of one of the four remaining teams, today is more about food, beer, gambling and watching fans of teams you hate suffer through the agony of defeat.

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Patrick Mahomes Has a New Endorsement Deal. Which Condiment Would You Want to Endorse You?

A few months ago Patrick Mahomes put himself on the FBI’s Most Wanted List by letting the world know that he loves ketchup so much that he ruins perfectly good foods like mac & cheese and steak with it. I’m not gonna completely shun Mr. Mahomes since he’s been such a fantasy football darling for geniuses who drafted him this season, but putting ketchup on these items is enough to warrant a full background investigation. Is his name even Patrick? I don’t know, but the man can put up fantasy numbers.

The fact that Hunt’s came after Mahomes and not Heinz is genius for all parties involved. Can you imagine if Steeler fans learned how to read and saw the news that their beloved Heinz was endorsing the quarterback who is going to knock them out of the playoffs this year? The rage rolling throughout the hills of Western PA would be furious enough to blow the french fries off of everyone’s sandwiches. What a scene.

I’m happy to see Patrick Mahomes taking advantage of the fame and getting every dollar he can. Is it weird? Maybe a little, but athletes endorse weird shit all the time. If it weren’t for weird endorsements from athletes, Dan Marino would’ve never been kidnapped during an Isotoner Gloves commercial and we wouldn’t have have the cinematic gem, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.

Everybody knows that bloggers/podcasters are the same as athletes. The amount of preparation and toll our bodies take are unmatched in comparison to other careers. You think I enjoy my wrists hurting and knees cracking every time I try to move? You think my back would hurt this bad if I had a job as a surgeon? Not likely. I decided to take a break from icing my knees and removed my carpal tunnel wrist guards to work on a few endorsement deals of my own.

“What condiment would everyone from the now-defunct podcast The Nati Boys be endorsed by?”  is a question you probably found yourself asking the moment you saw the Patrick Mahomes news. Lucky for you, I’m here to tell you. Continue reading

That’s It – Christmas Is Cancelled, and You Can Thank the People Selling Mac & Cheese Candy Canes

I hate to ruin the holiday season before we’re a full 10 days into December, but I had to do it.

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I don’t even know where to start with this one. Here I was, just enjoying a nice, relaxing Sunday evening. I watched Bad Moms for the first time so I wouldn’t feel lost when I tried to watch A Bad Moms Christmas before Jesus’ big day. I packed my lunch for the next three days and did the exact amount of laundry to get me through one workday. I didn’t think there was anything that could ruin my wonderful Sunday routine until I hopped on the Ol’ Twitter Machine to see what type of offerings they had for me before I fired up a Netflix marathon that would undoubtedly lead to me running around my house like a god damn McCallister after the power reset their alarm clocks tomorrow morning.

That’s when I came across this horrific news: Continue reading

I’ve Never Been Self Conscious About My Voice Until Today

Today was just like any other Sunday. I had some chili brewing in the slow-cooker while I was waiting on the early NFL games to start and I was already trying to decide which wall to punch a hole through if the Bengals decided to break my heart. The topic of Patrick Mahomes’ voice came up in the Mac Household so I did a Google search to see what gems were out there on the internet with voice-mashups and funny antidotes about the breakout QB’s extremely unique voice.

Pretty normal, tame stuff. No harm, no foul. Then I came across this head-scratcher:  Continue reading