That’s It – Christmas Is Cancelled, and You Can Thank the People Selling Mac & Cheese Candy Canes

I hate to ruin the holiday season before we’re a full 10 days into December, but I had to do it.


I don’t even know where to start with this one. Here I was, just enjoying a nice, relaxing Sunday evening. I watched Bad Moms for the first time so I wouldn’t feel lost when I tried to watch A Bad Moms Christmas before Jesus’ big day. I packed my lunch for the next three days and did the exact amount of laundry to get me through one workday. I didn’t think there was anything that could ruin my wonderful Sunday routine until I hopped on the Ol’ Twitter Machine to see what type of offerings they had for me before I fired up a Netflix marathon that would undoubtedly lead to me running around my house like a god damn McCallister after the power reset their alarm clocks tomorrow morning.

That’s when I came across this horrific news: Continue reading

I’ve Never Been Self Conscious About My Voice Until Today

Today was just like any other Sunday. I had some chili brewing in the slow-cooker while I was waiting on the early NFL games to start and I was already trying to decide which wall to punch a hole through if the Bengals decided to break my heart. The topic of Patrick Mahomes’ voice came up in the Mac Household so I did a Google search to see what gems were out there on the internet with voice-mashups and funny antidotes about the breakout QB’s extremely unique voice.

Pretty normal, tame stuff. No harm, no foul. Then I came across this head-scratcher:  Continue reading

New Wine Gadget is Proof We’re Doomed as a Society

Of all the news that came out recently that made me question our future as a human race, this has to be the worst thing I’ve seen. Who drinks wine so slow that they need something like this? Not to mention, these mother fuckers are trying to take money out of the pockets of the people that make wine stoppers for wedding guest gifts.  Continue reading

Craft Beer-Themed Hotel, Yes Please!

Gentlemen mark your calendars for August 27th, heaven is officially coming to Columbus Ohio. The fine people at BrewDog Brewing company will officially open DogHouse USA and it will be the first ever craft beer-themed hotel in the world. The Scottish brewing company has used crowdfunding to create a craft beer enthusiasts dream. They will offer a variety of beer-themed amenities for you to enjoy as you will see in the video below. I know they had my money as soon as I heard shower beer fridge; that’s right folks ice cold shower beers! This may be the new happiest place on earth, sorry Walt.

Image result for beerfest beer taste gif


Frisch’s Does What’s Right, Brings Back Coke

Folks, Cincinnati’s long nightmare is over. No, the Bengals didn’t win a playoff game. It’s bigger than that. Frisch’s has finally realized their huge mistake and brought back Coca-Cola to your favorite diner. I cannot tell you how many times I was left lost and disappointed in the Frisch’s drive-thru when I tried to order a Coke with cherry and they responded with “we only have Pepsi”. Actually, it was probably only twice. Truth be told, I don’t go to Frisch’s that often. Mostly because they always ask me to pull around to wait on my order like a Big Boy with fries is a cryptic order that is gonna take them 48 hours to assess and deliver. I hate pulling around, so naturally I hate Frisch’s drive-thru. Basic math. Continue reading

I Can Eat Watermelon Faster Than This Cheating Jerk

There’s so much to process here. First of all, what is going on with that ring situation? Who wears a ring on their middle finger? Also, where’s her ring? Is she single? After looking further into this guy’s motives, I think that was all part of his plan. We call that misdirection in the magic biz, but I’m not a magician so I’ll let the experts handle that. Secondly, I didn’t know there was such a thing as speed eating watermelon. Had I known that, I feel like my life would be different at this point. I’ve never seen this in the states, so maybe it just hasn’t caught on and they’re waiting on their watermelon savior? We found Yao Ming in China to play basketball in the U.S., so I’m not sure why I can’t be the Yao Ming of watermelon eating in a Trading Places reboot. I’m not trying to brag or be one of those guys, but nobody eats watermelon faster than me. You can say the same thing about cantaloupe and honeydew. One time my wife left me home by myself on a Saturday after she did the grocery shopping, and I ate an entire cantaloupe and half of a watermelon during an episode of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. I’m not proud of this (yes I am) and it did unspeakable things to the ‘ol digestive tract that I had no idea happened when you overindulge in melons of all sorts.  Hand in the air, that was my bad, but not only did I learn a valuable bathroom lesson, I also discovered nobody could touch my prowess in the melon game.   Continue reading