Barry Trotz Stepping Down, Will Seek a Larger Contract and Human Neck With Another Franchise

In somewhat unsurprising news, Barry Trotz will not move forward as the Washington Capitals’ head coach next season despite their 2018 Stanley Cup Championship. It has been rumored throughout the season that Trotz would seek employment elsewhere regardless of how their season wrapped up, but many had hoped a Cup would keep him in Washington for the foreseeable future.

I’ve always been a fan of Barry Trotz and his no-neck look behind the benches. I’m sure he’ll have no trouble finding work somewhere in the NHL, but chances are he won’t find a situation as good as the one he had in D.C.

Best of luck to Barry. Hopefully he heads to the Western Conference and takes Tom Wilson with him.

Frisch’s Does What’s Right, Brings Back Coke

Folks, Cincinnati’s long nightmare is over. No, the Bengals didn’t win a playoff game. It’s bigger than that. Frisch’s has finally realized their huge mistake and brought back Coca-Cola to your favorite diner. I cannot tell you how many times I was left lost and disappointed in the Frisch’s drive-thru when I tried to order a Coke with cherry and they responded with “we only have Pepsi”. Actually, it was probably only twice. Truth be told, I don’t go to Frisch’s that often. Mostly because they always ask me to pull around to wait on my order like a Big Boy with fries is a cryptic order that is gonna take them 48 hours to assess and deliver. I hate pulling around, so naturally I hate Frisch’s drive-thru. Basic math. Continue reading

Television’s Best Dads Power Rankings

Earlier in the year, on Mother’s Day in fact, I compiled a list of the hottest television moms. Since today is Father’s Day I tried to make sure both sides were represented, but let’s be honest, there aren’t many good looking dads on television. Instead, casting directors forced my hand and made me write a blog about the best television dads. A lot of television dads are great for different reasons, so while some people might see certain guys as “bad dads”, I’ve tried to appreciate them for who they are. Life as a dad is about more than just making sure food is on the table and yelling at the referees from the sideline and I think this list provides a well rounded appreciation for dads of all shapes, sizes and mental capacities.  So without further ado…

lets get it on

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Hero Psychic Cat Predicts World Cup Winner

Let me first state, for the record, that this is not a soccer blog. We don’t allow such things on this site. It’s bad enough someone had the audacity to write a LeBron blog earlier in the week, so I’ll be damned if it was followed up by a soccer blog of all things. I just want to give credit where credit is due. I’ve always been more of a dog guy, but this cat is a freaking hero. Regardless of your stance on how miserable of a sport soccer is to watch, everyone seems to get sucked into the World Cup every four years. Me? I might catch a game on at the bar/restaurant or if someone has a hot wife they keep showing in the stands, my TV may find the match. But other than that, you can keep your 1-0 final scores and South American/European flop-fests. We get enough of that in the NBA playoffs, so why would I continue the torture for another month after Golden State’s annual parade?  Continue reading

LeBron James Played the Last Three Games With a “Broken” Hand

At least Michael Jordan wasn’t dumb enough to punch a wall. A teammate’s face is much more forgiving when airing out your frustrations with their play.

This is almost as bad as all of his flops, or Ben Roethlisberger showing up in a walking boot after a poor performance. We get it LeBron. You were mad at the refs and J.R. Smith and decided to throw a hissy fit and punched a wall. As a hat-tip to hockey, LeBron and the Cavs hid the injury and didn’t reveal that he had been playing injured for the last three games until after Golden State had finished popping bottles in the city that never sleeps, Cleveland. I wanted to type a joke about it being hard to sleep on park benches, but I’m too good of a guy to kick them while they’re down.  Continue reading

I Can Eat Watermelon Faster Than This Cheating Jerk

There’s so much to process here. First of all, what is going on with that ring situation? Who wears a ring on their middle finger? Also, where’s her ring? Is she single? After looking further into this guy’s motives, I think that was all part of his plan. We call that misdirection in the magic biz, but I’m not a magician so I’ll let the experts handle that. Secondly, I didn’t know there was such a thing as speed eating watermelon. Had I known that, I feel like my life would be different at this point. I’ve never seen this in the states, so maybe it just hasn’t caught on and they’re waiting on their watermelon savior? We found Yao Ming in China to play basketball in the U.S., so I’m not sure why I can’t be the Yao Ming of watermelon eating in a Trading Places reboot. I’m not trying to brag or be one of those guys, but nobody eats watermelon faster than me. You can say the same thing about cantaloupe and honeydew. One time my wife left me home by myself on a Saturday after she did the grocery shopping, and I ate an entire cantaloupe and half of a watermelon during an episode of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. I’m not proud of this (yes I am) and it did unspeakable things to the ‘ol digestive tract that I had no idea happened when you overindulge in melons of all sorts.  Hand in the air, that was my bad, but not only did I learn a valuable bathroom lesson, I also discovered nobody could touch my prowess in the melon game.   Continue reading

The 2018 Cincinnati Reds Can Legally Drink, Finally

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No more sneaking around campus with water bottles filled with vodka. No more mixing Gatorade and gin and acting like you’re just trying to replenish your electrolytes at 11pm on a Friday night while walking around in an American Eagle button-up that you think will get you laid. Hell, they don’t even need to cough when cracking their beers open in the communal dorm showers. Actually, that one never goes away. I still cough when opening beers at home in the shower and I’m 11 birthdays past my 21st.

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