BREAKING NEWS: Two-Time NFL MVP Doesn’t Bail on Training Camp to Travel Across the Country and Attend Brother Who Had to Rely on Reality TV for Fame Because He Couldn’t Cut It in the NFL’s 30th Birthday Party

Wait a second… are you telling me a 2x NFL MVP, Super Bowl winning quarterback, Super Bowl MVP, and current starter of the Green Bay Packers didn’t bail on training camp to go to his brother’s birthday party? Wow, I guess some people just don’t have the same values we held back in our day.  Continue reading

It’s an Oil Change Saturday!


No, not that kind of oil change. Thank God.

Now that you’re done having an anxiety attack from thinking about giving yourself an oil change, we can move on.

Don’t get too excited though, this won’t be a regular recurring blog. I don’t drive that often so it takes me a while to hit the standard 5,000-7,500 miles most vehicle manuals suggest for an ol’ swapperoo of the black sludge and overpriced filter. Some auto parts stores give you a free filter when you buy 5-quarts of oil, but these oil change places aren’t so generous. I feel bad saying that because they gave me free coffee and a bottle of water while I wait. Now I feel bad for not considering the free WiFi access they gave me (which isn’t showing up on my list of available networks, but I’m not one to complain about such things). The coffee is a little burnt, which I suspect is a result of it being brewed this morning when they opened at 8am. I don’t want to disappoint anyone that thought this might be a blog about oil changes and the different places people take their cars to get their oil changed (e.g. their parents house, dealerships, a buddy’s place or your favorite local mechanic), but I think I’ll jump into some sports while I wait on my car. Continue reading

Notre Dame’s Shamrock Series Jerseys Could Not Be Any Worse

Every year Notre Dame and Under Armour (previously Adidas) release special uniforms as part of their Shamrock Series. Every year I think they can’t possibly get dumber or uglier. Every year they prove me wrong. Since the Irish don’t have a conference schedule like the rest of the country, they adopt the old school barnstormer mentality and take on all challengers (aka lesser programs) across the country. Over the years they’ve played power houses like Army, Purdue, Maryland and Boston College. This year they’re heading to Yankee Stadium to take on a Syracuse Orange team that finished 2017 with a 4-8 record. The only thing worse than Syracuse on Yankee Stadium’s turf this November might be Notre Dame’s uniforms.  Continue reading

Homer Bailey Sums up Post-2014 Reds Career With One “Pitch”

You’d like to think things couldn’t get much worse for Homer Bailey and the Reds. The Cincinnati Reds are an astonishingly bad 1-15 in games started by Bailey this season. That’s almost impossible to do. Even the worst of pitchers manage to get a few no-decisions or at least enough run support to bail them out of a loss after a miserable effort on the mound. We’re talking about a guy who has two career no-hitters. Homer Bailey may go down in history as the worst pitcher to ever have multiple no-nos on their Wikipedia page. Even if he holds that moniker, the once highly-touted prospect should be faring better than he has been. Hell, in his first two starts after returning from a Triple-A rehab assignment due to “knee inflammation” *wink wink*, he had a stat line of 14.2 IP, 4 ER, 8 H, 3 BB, 14 K. Things were looking up for David Dewitt Bailey, Jr., but as it’s turned out, that success was short lived. With the exception of a few pockets of decent outings, everything Homer has touched has been a disaster after signing his six-year, $105 million deal in 2014. He essentially balked (hehe) at the idea of moving to the bullpen earlier this year to help his team, forcing the organization’s hand to keep him in the rotation since they can’t afford to pay him not to pitch. Small-market baseball.. sigh.  Continue reading

I Can’t Decide If I’m Excited or Terrified for the Bengals Season to Start Tonight

Every year I swear to myself that I won’t get too emotionally invested in the Cincinnati Bengals. Every year I fail. Last year I had pretty much made peace with the fact that they weren’t going anywhere after the abysmal 0-3 start and I could focus on just enjoying the games and not getting too worked up over the outcome. In my dumb brain, ending the season on a miserable note would mean a slew of changes throughout the franchise. Well, whatta ya know, the Bengals won their last two games of the season against the Lions and Ravens and somehow saved Marvin’s job.

michael scott facepalm

Sure, there have been some changes. Center Billy Price appears to be a steal in the draft and it sounds like John Ross is going to be released from Marvin’s Playing Time Purgatory. Add in the arrival of Sam Hubbard, a yoked Carl Lawson, the acquisition of LT Cordy Glenn and Preston Brown, things have to be looking better than last season. Right? Let’s check in with what some of the “experts” over at ESPN and are saying.  Continue reading

I’m Sick of Unoriginal Fantasy Football Bets

fantasy football bet

I feel like this has been played out a million times. The last place finisher of a fantasy league has to wear a sign around their neck in public stating they suck at fantasy football. I’ll admit, these were kinda funny at first. Over the years it’s become so played out and overdone that I’ve grown to hate stories like this. Today I realized there’s only one thing worse than the unoriginal people that still make these bets: Jefe it’s the people that act like it’s some groundbreaking, hilarious punishment.  Continue reading

Despite What the Statistics Say, Ray Lewis Claims He Helped Lower Baltimore’s Crime Rate

ray lewis bust

Last night Ray Lewis and his bust that looks nothing like him entered the Pro Football Hall of Fame in beautiful Canton, Ohio. I didn’t watch his speech for a few reasons. First off, if I wanna watch a hardened criminal that escaped conviction despite all of the facts being stacked against them, I’d watch Sons of Anarchy again. Secondly, I was watching the movie version Friday Night Lights as my annual routine to remind myself that the television show was far superior.  Continue reading