I Hate Sports and I Quit

Let the record show: Sunday, February 18th, 2018 is the day I finally quit. I’m sick of the constant letdown and disappointment. Its my fault, honestly. I could just become a bandwagon fan like I’ve seen so many people do. I could be a Duke basketball fan, Alabama football fan and alternate between the Patriots and Steelers, whichever was winning the most at the time. Yankees too? Why not? If I’m going all in, I might as well wear a pinstriped Aaron Judge jersey and spit on people as I scream about 27 rings.

 

Instead, I’ve remained loyal to my Cincinnati roots. I even refuse to root for an NBA team with one of the best players that ever lived simply because they’re in Cleveland. Rooting for the Cavs would be so easy, yet I would rather be caught watching Lena Dunham make out with Jake Paul by my grandma than Witness anything King James is doing up north. Sure, I have my on-again off-again relationship with the Denver Nuggets, but we’re like Ross and Rachel from Friends. Will we end up together when it’s all said and done? I guess you’ll have to buy the box set to find out.

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“Seasoned” Backup Veteran Hits Free Agent Market

Well, it is official AJ McCarron has won his grievance case against the Bengals and this means he is officially a free agent as of March. This also means that the botched trade with the Browns, as if it wasn’t bad enough, will sting just a little bit more. Continue reading

Getting Personal: Baseball, The Reds and Hibachi

I was a huge baseball fan from nearly the day I was born.  Baseball was my dad’s favorite sport and he always dreamed of having a son that had a love for baseball just like him and he could coach.  Some of the first memories I have are my dad playing toss with me at home.  We watched Reds games whenever we could.  The games were not all televised back when I was young like today on FSO.  We listened to many games on 700WLW with good ole Marty and Joe (RIP).  I played baseball as year-round as you could in Cincinnati, OH.  We did tournaments in the very early spring and late fall while playing our league and random weekend tournaments through the summers.  In the winter we would go to the batting cages all the time to keep up and not fall behind.  When we would get those random 40 and 50 degree days in the winters we would end up at a local field to take some ground-balls and fly-balls.

iconic duo

The greatest duo in announcing history.

I was a die-hard Reds fan and a statistics guru.  I always knew the entire 25-man roster and could recite players updated statistics every day.  This was quite the incredible feat without the internet.  I lived for looking at the newspaper box scores the next day.  I also was always playing a baseball video game as the Reds because playing as any other team just seemed like a sin.  I remember in one of the first MLB games that allowed you to create a player I was drafted by the Cubs and was so disgusted with it that I have never played that game mode again.

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Gennett Scoots on down to Goodyear in Style

Cincinnati.com – Scooter Gennett made the trek from Sarasota to Goodyear in a rental RV. He and his wife, Kelsey, and dog, Leo, spent the night in two RV parks.  

Leo was the reason for the unconventional mode of transportation.

“He’s pretty big,” Gennett said. “Me and the wife aren’t too confident in putting him under the plane. We heard some bad stories about the dog coming out stiff as a board from baggage claim.

Baseball is my favorite sport in the world. It always has been and always will be. Spring Training, most notably the first few days of everyone reporting to camp, is just the shot in the arm I need after the post-Super Bowl letdown. Most of the time you get flooded with cookie cutter stories about Player A being in the best shape of their career or Player B is out to prove they’re worth the blockbuster deal they just signed in the off season.

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Seeing Griffey Hold Up That Reds Jersey…

I’ll never forget it. I probably still have the newspaper clipping that my grandma cut out for me somewhere in my basement, along with the rest of my baseball cards and memorabilia from my childhood.

18 years ago this past weekend, the Reds fortunes were supposed to change. Griffey was the end-all-be-all baseball star of the 90’s. Shoes, magazines, video games, television commercials. Griffey was everything. If you grew up in the 90’s, you were a fan of Michael Jordan, and you were a fan of Junior. I turned 14 two weeks after he signed to my hometown team, and got two different Griffey jerseys for my birthday. The city was buzzing with Reds talk, and dreams of another World Series run, which hadn’t happened in a decade.

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I’m Officially Out on Peeps

Whyyy Peeps?? Whyyyyyyyy? How could you fall into the same trap Oreos have fallen into with their garbage limited edition flavors? You get one holiday a year: Easter. And now you fucked it up. Is this what Jesus rose from the dead for? I doubt it.

Until today, I was a HUGE Peeps guy. I always start by eating the heads off of the little fellas, or nibbling the ears off of the bunny rabbits. Eventually I just stuff the whole Peep in my mouth until my jaws start to cramp up and I can’t handle another ball of marshmallow covered in sugar. I don’t know if I could even find joy in that anymore. I’m willing to test the theory later today, but that would require putting on something other than gym shorts, and I don’t see that happening.

“Well Mac, will you be buying the yellow or pink Peeps when you muster up the motivation to get dressed for the day?” some might ask. Truth be told, I’m not sure. I might even go blue, but it will be a game time decision and depend on what Kroger has.

If you’re wondering if I’d buy chicks or bunnies, the answer will always be chicks. I’m a dude, so all chicks, all the time. That is, unless someone drops a tray of bunnies in my Easter basket, which I still get every year.

I can tell you one thing though, I won’t be buying the Pancake & Syrup Peeps.

Ok, I probably will. But I’m not gonna be happy about it.

Something is Fishy about Lebron and the Cavs

Whether it is a passive aggressive subtweet or a team member being accused of faking an injury, something is definitely wrong with the Cavs this year. Whitty shared his theories about the Kevin Love injury last week and it really got me thinking about all the recent Cavs drama, and how it may be all just smoke and mirrors. I pose this question to explain where I am going with this, Why would the most arrogant player of all time want his team off of national television?

I believe Lebron’s master plan is to drive down the appeal of the Cavs for the rest of the season so he can set his price for purchase and completely own Dan Gilbert in his final masterpiece the 30 for 30 special: The Final Decision.

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Eagles Fan Gets Best Super Bowl Tattoo of All Time

I’m kind of tired of the standard championship tattoos people get every season when their team wins the big game. Is that because I’m partially jealous that they are getting to celebrate a championship and I’m not? Probably. But this isn’t about me. It’s even worse when fans get the preemptive celebratory tattoo just for attention on Twitter and the annoying Darren Rovell tweets. Continue reading

Who Said Eating Tide Pods Wasn’t Good For You?

That’s it. Cancel the world. There’s no hope for mankind. It was bad enough when idiots were eating Tide Pods and getting sick. Not to mention all of the after school special style ads we had to sit though and hear the cautionary tales of idiots getting sick from ingesting fucking laundry detergent.

I was just minding my own business today, refreshing Twitter for the 753rd time and I came across a sponsored Tweet. It was for a company in the Netherlands that is trying to fund a business venture to create Vitapods, which are essentially multivitamins in the form of Tide Pods. BlinkingGuy.Gif

Is this really what it is gonna take to get kids to form healthy habits and supplement their shitty diets with vitamins? I guess if it works, why the hell not. It appears that the KickStarter campaign has since been cancelled, so maybe we’ll have to wait a little longer until we’re all taking our vitamins like a douchey 19 year old alternating between his vape pen and handful of delicious laundry detergent.

Source: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/2027586546/vitapods-pod-shaped-multivitamins

DB’s Best Thing Seen On Reddit: 2/6/18

Full disclosure: this isn’t really from today, but hey, who cares. I saw it over the weekend and can’t stop thinking about it, so here it is: $17.5 million in a bedframe.

Apparently these were funds allegedly “earned” in a pyramid scheme. The person that had gotten the funds tried to launder it, and boom, they got busted. If I’m the cop that walks in on this $17.5 million, I’m retiring tomorrow. Looks like there’s only $10 million there to me. I’m heading to Aruba.

It’s good to know that a standard bedframe can probably hold close to $30 million though, for my future in pyramid scheming. Apparently this person was just one part in a multi-billion dollar scheme of home phone/internet package sales. That means that a lot of people probably got away with it. It’s almost worth the risk. Almost.

Okay, back to my soul-sucking desk job. Maybe I’ll win the lottery soon. I can dream, can’t I?