Markelle Fultz Reminds Us How Hilarious the Yips Can Be

I don’t really have a lot to add to this other than the fact that I wanted all 17 of our readers to get their eyes on it. Markelle Fultz has a case of the yips that would make Rick Ankiel blush. I don’t even know how someone physically pulls this off without losing the ball or accidentally stepping over the free throw line. This is the type of juke-pump fake you give your friends in a game of 21 in the driveway to thwart their attempt to tip you in. Only this time it didn’t work and he missed. It’s just too bad nobody tipped him in and sent the Sixers back to zero (or 13, depending on your neighborhood’s rules).

Paging Commissioner Silver: Play the first half of the season with 21 rules. It’s not like anyone is trying anyway.

After Hearing Kawhi Leonard’s Laugh, I Will Never Sleep Again

Is this a man that is laughing for the first time in his 27-years of life? Absolutely 100% most definitively yes. I’m not talking a chuckle or smile on the court. I’m sure that’s happened at some point. Then again, the man has been in San Antonio for the past 7 seasons, so maybe not. Not that the Spurs haven’t been successful when he was there, but I’ve never met someone who was ever happy in that kinda heat. Diff’rent strokes I suppose, and I ain’t talkin’ Gary Coleman. I have to think that humidity is Alan Thicke, which doesn’t lend itself to many smiles no matter how bad ass your cornrows are.

Now that I’ve maxed out on references to a 1980s sitcom that I’ve never seen in my life and ended just days after the day I was born, we can move on.  Continue reading

Bearcats Are All Over the NBA Summer League

There are Cincinnati Bearcats all over the NBA Summer League this year in Vegas. With some of the talent that has made its way through the program the past few years, with 8 straight NCAA tournament appearances, it’s awesome that we’re finally starting to see some of Mick Cronin’s recruits have success after college. Jacob Evans III was the first round pick for the Golden State Warriors this past year, and has been playing a bunch of minutes for them in their first few games out west. As a Lakers fan, I was super jealous that he went to the GSW, instead of being nabbed by LA a few picks earlier.

Joining Evans this summer is Gary Clark with the Houston Rockets. I’m not sure if Gary is playing in the Summer League because I’ve seen him in street clothes on the bench. He signed a two-way deal with the Houston Rockets after going undrafted, but I think he can be good fit for them under the right circumstances. Clark’s frontcourt buddy Kyle Washington is also on a team this summer, playing for the Detroit Pistons. I’m not sure that Washington has the chops to make it in the NBA, but I think he definitely could make a nice living if he goes to Europe and plays professionally.

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The Lakers Land LeBron, America Loses

This isn’t even about basketball. We can hate LeBron regardless of the city he’s playing in. As a Cincinnati guy, it was just really convenient that he happened to play in a city I can’t stand. Whether it was anointing himself the King, playing with an almost-broken hand, flopping his way into an and-1, or hunkering down in a “Decision Cave” to decide where he’d play this season, I’ve always had plenty of reasons to not like the Kid From Akron (another nickname he gave himself).

Now that LeBron is in LA, there’s one thing that is certain. No, not a championship. The Warriors and the rest of the Western Conference are still stacked. This means more movie roles and most likely Space Jam 2, which should never be remade. You wouldn’t expect another NBA big man to remake Kazaam so why in the fuck are we gonna let LeBron ruin Space Jam’s legacy? It’s unacceptable and I won’t stand for it.

stephen a smith

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LeBron’s Decision Cave is Fancier Than Mine and That Makes Me Feel Like a Failure. LeBron-1 Mac-0

As I’m sure you’ve heard by now, the guy who didn’t want to make a big deal about his free agency has declared that he’s entering his “Decision Cave” to help him decide which fanbase he’ll make the most insufferable next season.*

Not only is it the biggest douche move to call something your Decision Cave, but it makes it 10x worse when you find out the “cave” is a luxurious mansion in the Caribbean. I just hope Jim Gray didn’t get a free trip outta this whole charade. Continue reading

LeBron James Played the Last Three Games With a “Broken” Hand

At least Michael Jordan wasn’t dumb enough to punch a wall. A teammate’s face is much more forgiving when airing out your frustrations with their play.

This is almost as bad as all of his flops, or Ben Roethlisberger showing up in a walking boot after a poor performance. We get it LeBron. You were mad at the refs and J.R. Smith and decided to throw a hissy fit and punched a wall. As a hat-tip to hockey, LeBron and the Cavs hid the injury and didn’t reveal that he had been playing injured for the last three games until after Golden State had finished popping bottles in the city that never sleeps, Cleveland. I wanted to type a joke about it being hard to sleep on park benches, but I’m too good of a guy to kick them while they’re down.  Continue reading

I Hate Sports and I Quit

Let the record show: Sunday, February 18th, 2018 is the day I finally quit. I’m sick of the constant letdown and disappointment. Its my fault, honestly. I could just become a bandwagon fan like I’ve seen so many people do. I could be a Duke basketball fan, Alabama football fan and alternate between the Patriots and Steelers, whichever was winning the most at the time. Yankees too? Why not? If I’m going all in, I might as well wear a pinstriped Aaron Judge jersey and spit on people as I scream about 27 rings.

 

Instead, I’ve remained loyal to my Cincinnati roots. I even refuse to root for an NBA team with one of the best players that ever lived simply because they’re in Cleveland. Rooting for the Cavs would be so easy, yet I would rather be caught watching Lena Dunham make out with Jake Paul by my grandma than Witness anything King James is doing up north. Sure, I have my on-again off-again relationship with the Denver Nuggets, but we’re like Ross and Rachel from Friends. Will we end up together when it’s all said and done? I guess you’ll have to buy the box set to find out.

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