Wake Up With All 10 of the 50-point Dunks in Last Night’s Slam Dunk Contest

Truth be told, I didn’t watch this year’s slam dunk contest. I know about next to nothing in regards to the NBA outside of 99% of the time Cincinnati Bearcats jump from team to team on 10-day contracts, making it nearly impossible to track their professional careers anymore. And for some reason, there never seem to be any Ohio Bobcats to keep an eye on….. not sure why on that one though.

mac standings

I do know one thing though, and that’s the fact that many people were irate about the judging and scoring of the dunk contest. Someone got screwed and Dwyane Wade made a funny face that will surely be a go-to GIF for years to come.

Sick turtleneck.

If you’re reading this and you were mad about the results, then I agree with you. If you think the judges got it right, then I agree with you as well. Whatever will keep everyone back to the site is my personal stance on DunkGate 2020. I can’t afford to lose one of my three readers, so I’m taking a huge gamble on this one and refuse to choose a side.

What’s hard to believe is there were ten (fucking ten!) dunks that the judges deemed worthy of a perfect 50.

Image result for billy bob 10 gif

I’m not saying the dunks weren’t good. Hell, they were great. But you know what they say about dunk contests. If you have ten 50’s, you don’t have one. Or something like that. I couldn’t pull any of these dunks off on an 8-foot hoop.. in a video game.. with cheat codes, so who am I to say what is and isn’t worthy of a perfect score?

I think we can all agree that there were some great dunks even if they weren’t from any Bearcats or Bobcats… but who knows, maybe in a few years…

I just hope D-Wade isn’t wearing a stupid ass turtleneck and his wood shop teacher’s glasses when that day comes.

Pants Pooping Paul Pierce is Winning Over Blogger Hearts One Poop Story at a Time

For years (11 to be exact), I’ve been calling Paul Pierce a bitch for needing to be carried off the floor, put in a wheel chair and rolled back to the locker room just to return and finish the game.

As a man who has played three (3) seasons of beer league hockey, I just couldn’t let this slide. There’s an honor and a code you play by when you’re at the highest level (or Thursday night beer league) and until today, America assumed Pierce broke that code. Continue reading

Today I Learned: Drake’s Real Name is Aubrey [BONUS: Unofficial Famous Aubrey Power Rankings]

I know it’s always a little jarring when you learn an actor or rapper’s real name, but I can’t remember the last time one hit me as hard as this. How is Drake’s real name Aubrey? I know you can’t blame people for what their parents named them, but goddamn. Aubrey? That’s the furthest thing from a Canadian TV actor turned rapper’s name I’ve ever heard. Aubrey as a guy is hard to picture because all I can see is Aubrey Plaza.

Sure, Aubrey Huff had a decent career for the Giants, but I’ve never seen Drake hit a fastball. I’m guessing he can’t. Aubrey Huff could. Point Mr. Huff. Continue reading

Drake Leads Toronto Raptors to Game 1 Victory in NBA Finals

What an incredible game by Drake. You can say all you want about Pascal Siakam’s 32 points in his NBA Final debut (14 of them in the third quarter) or how the Warriors still don’t have Kevin Durant back from injury. None of that matters because we all know the truth. This Raptors team doesn’t win tonight, or even get to the finals for that matter, without Drake leading the way. Continue reading

Did a Guy With Face Paint and a Man Bun Save the Lakers Franchise?

In case you haven’t heard, Lakers fans are fed up with the direction of their franchise and came out by the dozen to protest outside of Staples Center yesterday afternoon. They can’t seem to find a coach, LeBron has alienated every premiere player in the league so nobody wants to join him, and Magic Johnson quit without telling his bosses because he didn’t want to have an uncomfortable conversation. Honestly, I was expecting riots because the LA fan base is large and proud. Then again, #LATraffic, amirite? Continue reading

Nikola Jokic Had a Sweet Bounce Pass (Gary Harris Did Something Cool Too). Also, LeBron is Drunk

I don’t watch a lot of NBA, but people on Twitter are going nuts about this play so it must be pretty sweet. I mean, I think Jokic’s bounce pass was incredible, but its nothing I didn’t do 5-10 times a night for the Blue Bunnies in the OU intramural leagues. Continue reading

We Get It, LeBron. You’re a Wine Guy (That Likes Wearing Weird Buttons/Pins)

This may upset our resident Lakers fan, DB.. but I wish LeBron would just fucking go away. Everything this guy does is for attention and to get people to talk about him. Yeah, it’s ironic that I say that and turn around and fall into his trap, but there are things that need to be said. Continue reading

Kenyon Martin Is Getting a Mural Presented to Him Tonight, and I Need a Copy of It

I’m not an art guy. Never have been and I won’t apologize for it. In fact, there’s only one piece of art I’ve ever tried to buy, but my wife nixed my plans. You see, at the time we lived in a one-bedroom apartment above a hair salon and sandwich shop in a neighborhood we were too poor to live in. The artwork would’ve overpowered our small dwelling. Now that we have a house with more than just a living room and bedroom, I’m thinking about making another play at this beautiful piece. Continue reading

Lil Penny is Making a Comeback

USA Today Sports – Wednesday on ESPN’s morning talk show Get Up! the Memphis basketball coach said his miniature alter ego, Lil Penny, would be appearing again. 

“Lil Penny is actually going to be coming back out soon,” Hardaway said on the show. 

Lil Penny, of course, was the star of Hardaway’s iconic Nike commercials in the 1990s, narrated by actor Chris Rock. 

“Lil Penny is getting in shape,” Hardaway added. “He’s coming back.”

I don’t watch any of ESPN’s trash so I didn’t catch this news, but luckily it came across my Twitter feed tonight as I re-watch Arrested Development for the 15th time through (only the OG episodes, I’m not into the reboot). Anyone that grew up in the heyday of the Orlando Magic with Penny Hardaway and Shaq remembers how awesome the Lil Penny marketing campaign was. We loved his commercials. We loved the shoes they were trying to sell. Hell, I even had this poster in my room. I’m pretty sure it’s rolled up and in a box somewhere at my parents’ house still.

penny who's got next poster Continue reading

Markelle Fultz Reminds Us How Hilarious the Yips Can Be

I don’t really have a lot to add to this other than the fact that I wanted all 17 of our readers to get their eyes on it. Markelle Fultz has a case of the yips that would make Rick Ankiel blush. I don’t even know how someone physically pulls this off without losing the ball or accidentally stepping over the free throw line. This is the type of juke-pump fake you give your friends in a game of 21 in the driveway to thwart their attempt to tip you in. Only this time it didn’t work and he missed. It’s just too bad nobody tipped him in and sent the Sixers back to zero (or 13, depending on your neighborhood’s rules).

Paging Commissioner Silver: Play the first half of the season with 21 rules. It’s not like anyone is trying anyway.