LeBron’s Decision Cave is Fancier Than Mine and That Makes Me Feel Like a Failure. LeBron-1 Mac-0

As I’m sure you’ve heard by now, the guy who didn’t want to make a big deal about his free agency has declared that he’s entering his “Decision Cave” to help him decide which fanbase he’ll make the most insufferable next season.*

Not only is it the biggest douche move to call something your Decision Cave, but it makes it 10x worse when you find out the “cave” is a luxurious mansion in the Caribbean. I just hope Jim Gray didn’t get a free trip outta this whole charade. Continue reading

LeBron James Played the Last Three Games With a “Broken” Hand

At least Michael Jordan wasn’t dumb enough to punch a wall. A teammate’s face is much more forgiving when airing out your frustrations with their play.

This is almost as bad as all of his flops, or Ben Roethlisberger showing up in a walking boot after a poor performance. We get it LeBron. You were mad at the refs and J.R. Smith and decided to throw a hissy fit and punched a wall. As a hat-tip to hockey, LeBron and the Cavs hid the injury and didn’t reveal that he had been playing injured for the last three games until after Golden State had finished popping bottles in the city that never sleeps, Cleveland. I wanted to type a joke about it being hard to sleep on park benches, but I’m too good of a guy to kick them while they’re down.  Continue reading

I Hate Sports and I Quit

Let the record show: Sunday, February 18th, 2018 is the day I finally quit. I’m sick of the constant letdown and disappointment. Its my fault, honestly. I could just become a bandwagon fan like I’ve seen so many people do. I could be a Duke basketball fan, Alabama football fan and alternate between the Patriots and Steelers, whichever was winning the most at the time. Yankees too? Why not? If I’m going all in, I might as well wear a pinstriped Aaron Judge jersey and spit on people as I scream about 27 rings.


Instead, I’ve remained loyal to my Cincinnati roots. I even refuse to root for an NBA team with one of the best players that ever lived simply because they’re in Cleveland. Rooting for the Cavs would be so easy, yet I would rather be caught watching Lena Dunham make out with Jake Paul by my grandma than Witness anything King James is doing up north. Sure, I have my on-again off-again relationship with the Denver Nuggets, but we’re like Ross and Rachel from Friends. Will we end up together when it’s all said and done? I guess you’ll have to buy the box set to find out.

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Something is Fishy about Lebron and the Cavs

Whether it is a passive aggressive subtweet or a team member being accused of faking an injury, something is definitely wrong with the Cavs this year. Whitty shared his theories about the Kevin Love injury last week and it really got me thinking about all the recent Cavs drama, and how it may be all just smoke and mirrors. I pose this question to explain where I am going with this, Why would the most arrogant player of all time want his team off of national television?

I believe Lebron’s master plan is to drive down the appeal of the Cavs for the rest of the season so he can set his price for purchase and completely own Dan Gilbert in his final masterpiece the 30 for 30 special: The Final Decision.

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Did Kevin Love Intentionally Break His Hand?

Poor Kevin Love can’t catch a break. That is until tonight, when he caught a rather unfortunate one. The Cavaliers announced that Love broke a bone in his hand during tonight’s game against the Pistons. The injury will sideline the Cavs’ Power Forward for 6-8 weeks. The often maligned Love has taken more than his fair share of criticism during his time in Cleveland, from media members and his own teammates. Just over a week ago Love left Cleveland’s lopsided loss against the Thunder early because of an illness, which also caused him to miss practice the next day. This did not sit well with his teammates though, and they held a contentious “players only” meeting the next day where they questioned the legitimacy of Love’s sudden sickness. I’m no lawyer, but I’m pretty sure that’s a HIPAA violation.

It wouldn’t surprise me one bit of Love wanted to get as far away from the Cavs as possible right now. Warranted or not, he’s often found himself on the wrong end of the finger pointing when things aren’t going well in Cleveland. He’s not happy about his role within the team and there’s no doubt that the news of the “players only” meeting making it to the public didn’t sit well with him. Given all that’s gone on, I’m actually pretty sure that Love did fake the illness last week. Which is why I’m 99% sure Love broke his hand on purpose tonight, for the sole purpose of getting a vacation away from his disgruntled teammates.

We’ve all been there. You’re having a shitty day at work, that obnoxious coworker of yours is making you watch his 100th Instagram video that week where he’s rambling on about this great new Chardonnay he discovered and everybody has been on your ass lately because productivity and morale around the office has been at an all time low. At that point, you’re looking for any way out you can find. You’re actually trying to will the filing cabinet to fall over on you as you walk by. After all, a torn ACL and a dislocated shoulder would be well worth the two months at home on short term disability. Or maybe the light overhead could come crashing down on you. A few stitches and a concussion are a small price to pay for a little R&R and some workers’ comp. The difference between you and Kevin Love is you don’t ever have the guts to go through with it. You just hang your head low and walk back to your desk as you slowly die inside.

The one mistake Love made here is breaking his hand. If I’m going to be sidelined for a month and a half, you know damn well I’m spending the majority of that time on my couch playing Playstation. Hell I might even suffer a “setback” or two so I can make it through another season of Madden or try and make it to the next prestige level in Call of Duty. But Love’s not going to be playing many video games with a broken hand, so I’m not sure how the hell he’s going to pass the time. I can tell you one thing he won’t be doing though, and that’s following along with Lebron’s Instagram stories. Sheeeesh.

Jeff Hornacek Would Not Make the Milliron Sports Basketball Team

What a pathetic shot. Embarrassing, some might say. If you’re a former NBA shooting guard, you’ve gotta put forth a better effort. I don’t care if you’re wearing a suit and shot from 45ft out. At least hit some iron or put the backboard in danger of getting shattered.

Milliron Sports doesn’t have a rec league basketball team yet, but I’m already putting it out there that Jeff Hornacek doesn’t have what it takes to be a Milli. That’s what we’re calling ourselves now. Shout out Lil Wayne. Get it? A Milli – It was a song from Tha Carter III dammit..

There’s only so much room on the roster available for washed up guys chucking up air balls because they forgot how weak they’ve become. We’ve reached our quota. Exceeded, some might say.

Better luck next year.

better luck next year


Wake Up With Whitty – 12/18/2017

Good morning Good evening Hello and welcome to another edition of Wake Up With Whitty. We’re midway through December and the unthinkable has happened. The Bengals have been officially eliminated from playoff contention. I know, I’m as shocked as you are. I could’ve sworn they’d clinched a playoff spot like three weeks ago since they’ve played so well this year. The good news is that Bengals fans can watch the last two weeks of the season without worrying about the games’ outcomes. At this point the best case for the Bengals would be to lose out in order to get the best possible draft pick, but I just can’t get on #TeamTank. It feels wrong. So I’ll continue to pull for the Bengals to win, knowing that if they don’t then they’re still going to better their draft position. It’s win-win. Or lose-lose, I’m not quite sure. Anyways, here’s Wake Up With Whitty.

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