New Year’s Day Preview (Unofficially Sponsored By My Attempt To Eat a Party Sub* From Jersey Mike’s)

It’s everyone’s favorite day of the year: The day that I order a Jersey Mike’s party sub (well, they call it a box of subs) and fail miserably in eating it. I’m not a big excuse guy, but this is my third attempt and the first two were unsuccessful. Last year my New Year’s Day was spent tending to a toddler with a fever and the poor decision of ordering roast beef on a portion of the subs. You never realize how dry roast beef is until you’re trying to eat five feet of sub with it. The first year I wasn’t as fat as I am now, so again, not my fault. I’ve done everything in my power to change that for 2019, so things are looking pretty favorable.

While I’m embarking on the journey of 5-feet of delicious sandwich, there’s a lot to watch on TV. Personally, I think it’s bullshit that we have to wait until noon for the sports day to start but I guess all of the people who have lives are hungover and need the sleep and time to recover before things get started. Luckily, you have this to read until the Outback Bowl kicks off at 12:00 PM EST. Continue reading

Am I Being Trolled by The Frisco Bowl?

It’s #BowlSZN and we’re back on the football-game-every-night schedule that we all know and love. Getting the itch to watch two 7-5 teams duke it out on a Tuesday night in front of 300 screaming fans? ESPN has you covered. Need to see a middle of the pack Mountain West team lay the icky thump on a team from the Sun Belt? Be sure to tune into CBS Sports Network. I’ll see you there.

This year OUr beloved Ohio Bobcats are taking on the Aztecs of San Diego State in the prestigious Frisco Bowl – a bowl game so highly regarded that they play it in a stadium that has an MLS team as it’s primary tenant. Sound familiar, San Diego football fans? Have no fear though, the Aztecs will return to San Diego after their stint in a soccer cathedral (unlike your Chargers). #BoltUp

When I first heard the Bobcats would be traveling to the Frisco Bowl, I thought “oh, that’s pretty cool. A bowl game that doesn’t sell out to a weird sponsor like we’ve seen so many times before.” Man, was I wrong. It’s not just the Frisco Bowl.. It’s the DXL Frisco Bowl. Yeah, the company that sells clothes to plus-size dudes (it’s ok to say fat guys I think, but I didn’t wanna risk it in this day and age). Continue reading

Tennessee State’s Christion Abercombie Is Fighting for His Life After Saturday’s Emergency Brain Surgery, but the NCAA Is Worried About Their Precious Rules

Now that you’re here, I have something to say:

Fuck. The. NCAA.

If you haven’t heard, there was a very scary situation Saturday in Nashville during the Tennessee State-Vanderbilt game. Christion Abercrombie, a linebacker for Tennessee State suffered a life-threatening injury that required emergency surgery after collapsing and becoming unresponsive on the sideline. This wasn’t a case of a guy leading with his helmet or someone taking a cheap shot that resulted in a serious situation. In fact, that doesn’t even matter in any situation as serious as this. Human beings play the game of football, and regardless of the jersey they wear or how they hurt themselves, you never want to see someone’s life end prematurely because of the game they play. Now, with that said, I always thought it would’ve been kinda cool for Jefe to pull a Tim Krumrie in some Thursday night MACtion. Can you imagine the party we could’ve had at our house when he returned from the hospital with bolts in his leg? We would’ve played the injury on loop throughout the house on every TV so we knew why we were drinking and who we were drinking for. Jefe Palooza 2.0. I’ll tell ya about 1.0 someday.. when you’re ready.  Continue reading

Should Ohio State Adopt a Two Head Coach System?

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When Ohio State takes the field this weekend against Tulane it will be the first time this season that they’ll do so with Head Coach Urban Meyer. Meyer returns to the Buckeyes, who enter the game as 37 point favorites over the Green Wave, after serving a 3-game suspension. During Meyer’s absence, Ryan Day did a more-than-serviceable job filling in. While he never faced much adversity during the first two weeks of the season, the Day-led Buckeyes faced a huge test on the road against TCU in week 3. After a relatively lackluster first half, and facing a 21-13 deficit late in the 3rd quarter, Day made the necessary adjustments and rallied the team for a 40-28 victory. Given his stellar performance as interim Head Coach, I think Day deserves another shot at the spotlight, which is why I think the Buckeyes need to roll with a two-head-coach system from here on out.

Now I know all of you naysayers will be quick to spout off all of your meaningless cliches: “But there’s only one headset”, and “If you have two Head Coaches then you don’t have one”, or “Ryan Day’s job title is Offensive Coordinator, he isn’t a Head Coach”. All I hear when you say that is “I’m old, stubborn and stuck in my ways and I’m afraid of anything that’s new and different.” Sure, Day may get to take the reins in mop-up duty this week against Tulane, but I want to see him get some meaningful time at the helm when it matters, like next weekend in Happy Valley. As long as they implement it correctly, like rotating them in and out after a set number of series, then it’s going to keep opposing teams on their toes and can lead to nothing but success (just look how great their two-QB system worked a couple years ago). Hell, I wouldn’t mind seeing the Buckeyes run them both out as head coach at the same time for a couple plays. It’s going to confuse the shit out of the players and everyone knows that the only way to combat chaos like that is to perform at peak levels, so it’s guaranteed to maximize production from the OSU players.

Some of you may be asking, “Is it really fair for a guy to lose his job to his backup just because he misses a few games for something small like an injury or terribly mishandling a domestic violence situation with a member of his coaching staff?” Fair question, but this is a “Next man up”/”What have you done for me lately?” kind of game. Urban should know that better than anyone. Nobody is irreplaceable (shout out Beyoncé), so if Day steals some reps from Meyer after all of this then he’s earned it. And I think the Buckeyes are better off for it. It’s time to introduce a new wrinkle into the game. This one-coach mentality is starting to get stale.

Notre Dame’s Shamrock Series Jerseys Could Not Be Any Worse

Every year Notre Dame and Under Armour (previously Adidas) release special uniforms as part of their Shamrock Series. Every year I think they can’t possibly get dumber or uglier. Every year they prove me wrong. Since the Irish don’t have a conference schedule like the rest of the country, they adopt the old school barnstormer mentality and take on all challengers (aka lesser programs) across the country. Over the years they’ve played power houses like Army, Purdue, Maryland and Boston College. This year they’re heading to Yankee Stadium to take on a Syracuse Orange team that finished 2017 with a 4-8 record. The only thing worse than Syracuse on Yankee Stadium’s turf this November might be Notre Dame’s uniforms.  Continue reading

Jim Harbaugh Believes ‘You Are What You Eat’. Apparently He’s Not Eating Big Ten Success For Dinner

College football coaches are weird dudes. From Les Miles eating grass to [REDACTED] faking a heart attack to get out of a contract when he realized the future of [REDACTED] football wasn’t as promising as it once was, you could write a book about the oddities of college coaches. Jim Harbaugh is no different when it comes to his theories on food. This might trump his previous take on the skim vs. whole milk debate.

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Nick Saban Signs Massive Extension, Reminds Us Once Again That We Chose the Wrong Profession

Here I am, just minding my own business, enjoying a Friday afternoon after a long grinding work week and Alabama drops this bullshit on us. Talk about ruining a guy’s weekend.

wow gif

Shoutout to this girl that got booted from Barstool Idol for showing up late. You have no idea but I use this GIF more often than I’d like to admit. We’re not hiring, sorry. 

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming.  Continue reading