Wake Up With Whitty – 12/10/2017

Hello and welcome to another edition of Wake Up With Whitty. I’m coming to you late once again, and in a surprisingly okay mood despite the Bengals debacle against the Bears this afternoon. That’s most likely because I slept through the majority of the game, so I didn’t actually have to experience it. Now I know what you’re thinking, “Wow Whitty, some fan you are. Not even watching your team play just because they’re having a down season? You must not be a big sports guy.” Well, my friend, I’m currently battling a severely mild upper respiratory tract infection. The fact that I even have the strength to blog right now is incredible. Hats off to me. It takes a lot of courage to fight through an ailment like this, but I’m playing hurt because of my commitment to the game and the tremendous amount of heart that I have. I bet you feel like a jerk for calling me out for napping during the Bengals game now, don’t you? You should. And you’ve officially made my list. But I’m not going to let haters like you knock me off my game. Because I’m resilient and tough and frankly I’m just happy someone is reading this. Here’s this week’s #WUWW:

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What Will Roger Goodell Buy With All of the Bengals-Steelers Fine Money?

 

Cincinnati.com – The Cincinnati Bengals and Pittsburgh Steelers racked up $63,816 in lost dollars on Friday due to an infraction by Bengals safety George Iloka and the one-game suspension of Steelers receiver JuJu Smith-Schuster.

In the grand scheme of things and with the way the game went and the sports world reacted, this doesn’t seem like much money. You’d think game checks would be getting yanked left and right with the narrative we’ve heard all week long. Was this an ugly game for all parties involved? Yeah. Was this a black eye on the league that is “trying” to clean the game up? Probably. Does Roger Goodell have a massive boner trying to decide what he’s gonna buy with this $64k? Absofuckinglutely he does.

Before you get all pissy – yes, I know he doesn’t actually get to pocket the money. Or does he? I’m too lazy to look it up right now, so lets assume he does. What kind of car should he buy? Maybe he could buy a few friends since he probably doesn’t have any? Does he have kids? That would require sex and King Goodell has about as much sex appeal as Darren Rovell after a night of trying $6 gourmet sandwiches at minor league ballparks just so he can get some cheap retweets. So maybe no kids. Again, I don’t feel like looking it up. So instead of researching anything about Roger Goodell’s life, I decided to come up with a list of a few suggestions for Ol’ Rog.  Continue reading

Wake Up With Whitty – 11/12/2017

Hello and welcome to another edition of Wake Up With Whitty. The last few weeks of college football have been pretty crazy, in an exciting kind of way (except for last week’s OSU/Iowa game, which I refuse to acknowledge), and yesterday was no exception. We saw two top 4 teams fall and four top 10 teams. In each of the past 3 weeks we’ve seen at least two top 10 teams go down. With two weeks left in the season, plus conference championship games still to come, there’s a good chance we’ll see more shakeups before all is said and done. This could be the first year we see a 2-loss team in the College Football Playoff (fingers crossed). So if the NFL isn’t giving you enough excitement (and if you’re Bengals fan like me, it isn’t), there’s plenty to be found in the college game. And if that doesn’t it for you, then I don’t know how to help you…

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Wake Up With Whitty – 11/5/2017

Good Morning and welcome to another edition of Wake Up With Whitty.  It’s the end of Daylight Saving Time, so if you haven’t already, make sure you set your microwave’s clock back an hour.  And if you have any other clocks in your house that don’t set themselves automatically then you need to re-evaluate your life choices.  I always have a hard time wrapping my mind around whether I’m getting extra time or if I’m losing time.  And the people that don’t even take part in Daylight Saving Time?  Are they living in the future? Or the past?  Time travel is a complex, confusing concept.  All I know is if for some reason this blog post isn’t available when you would normally expect it, it’s because it got lost in the Daylight Saving Time time warp.  Sorry.
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Wake Up With Whitty – 10/29/2017

Welcome to a special Sunday edition of Wake Up With Whitty. Yesterday was a huge day for college football as two top 4 teams fell, and several over top 25 schools were upset by unranked opponents. I could be a little biased, but we may have witnessed the Game of the Year last night in Ohio State’s comeback victory over Penn State. They didn’t look great last night at times (especially in the uniform department), but JT Barrett and the Buckeyes pulled it off. It’s been a wild past 16 hours, so that’s my excuse if this week’s Wake Up With Whitty sucks.

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Wake Up With Whitty – 10/21/2017

Good morning and welcome to another edition of Wake Up With Whitty. It’s Bengals/Steelers weekend so keep your head on a swivel out there.  Burfict’s going to be out there taking heads off, and I’m sure Mike Mitchell will be doing Mike Mitchell things:

It’s going to be an ugly AFC North slugfest on Sunday.  Any time these two teams get together, there’s going to be fireworks, and you can guarantee that both teams’ fans will be bitching about how dirty the other team played.  In my experience, one of the two teams’ fans have been 100% justified in their complaints and the other team should quit whining because the one time that they actually did fall victim to a dirty play it helped them Steel a playoff victory.  I won’t say which team is which though because Wake Up With Whitty is a place of love and acceptance so we should all just put aside the hate for a moment.  Ok, moment’s over: I hate Pittsburgh.  Here’s Wake Up With Whitty:
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Wake Up With Whitty – 10/14/2017

Good morning and welcome to another edition of Wake Up With Whitty.  It’s finally every Bengals fan’s favorite time of year: the week that the Bengals place Tyler Eifert on season ending injured reserve.  It only took a little over 4 weeks this year, almost a record time.  Fun fact, I bought an Eifert jersey prior to the 2014 season.  He didn’t even make it through the first game that year. Since I purchased the jersey he’ll have played in 24 out of a possible 64 games for the Bengals (including the remainder of the 2017 season).  Many people are saying he’s fallen victim to the infamous Whitty Jersey Curse.  Did I contribute to his inability to stay healthy by purchasing his jersey? (Maybe.). Is it just a coincidence? (Probably.)  Should I grow up and be an adult and stop wearing sports jerseys in general? (Never.)  There’s a pretty good chance that we’ve seen him play his last game as a Bengal.  As an Eifert fan, that’s tough to swallow, but it’s hard to justify keeping a guy around when he’s on the field for less than half of the team’s games.  So instead, fans have to come to terms and do the only thing that’s reasonable: focus on other peoples’ problems to distract us from our own.  Here’s Wake Up With Whitty. Continue reading

Wake Up With Whitty – 10/7/2017

Hello and welcome to another edition of Wake Up With Whitty. It’s October and the NHL season is finally here. The Blue Jackets looked sharp in their season-opening 5-0 victory over the Islanders.  As an unbiased observer (fan) I honestly cannot envision a scenario where the Jackets don’t go 82-0 (Editor’s Note: 81-1-0) and then sweep their way to a Stanley Cup championship. I know it was only one game, but I’ve seen enough to say that I can’t see anyone beating this team (Editor’s Note: Again.).  It was also great seeing the Penguins on the wrong side of a 10-1 ass kicking.  I don’t usually care for the Blackhawks, but anyone that embarrasses the Pens like that is okay in my book.  Let’s just hope they got it all out of their systems for tonight.
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Dick of the Week presented by Milliron Sports

I know the week isn’t quite over yet, but I’m ready to call the fight in the race of this week’s Dick of the Week. It was shaping up to be a pretty tight race. There was a marathon runner in Slovakia. There was that asshole that cut me off on my way home from work yesterday (I know you fucking saw me when you merged into my lane, jerk!). There was a certain Yankee’s catcher whose package was getting quite a bit of attention last night. And of course there was perennial DotW contender, Jefe. Then along comes Cam Newton and makes my decision much, much easier. It’s only Hump Day but Cam Newton has the Milliron Sports Dick of the Week locked up.

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