Preparing For NFL’s Championship Sunday

If you’re looking for game predictions, you’ve come to the wrong place I’ll include them at the end of this blog. If you’re not a fan of one of the four remaining teams, today is more about food, beer, gambling and watching fans of teams you hate suffer through the agony of defeat.

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If the Bengals Hire Hue Jackson or Vance Joseph, Parting Ways With Marvin Lewis Was Pointless

At this point it feels like we’re just beating a dead horse with all of the Hue Jackson rumors. Personally, I think there’s about a 10-15% chance Hue Jackson is named the 10th head coach in Bengals history. If the season ticket holders weren’t dropping faster than bottles of hair bleach in Guy Fieri’s bathroom, I would’ve set it at a 50/50 scenario. Mike Brown likes familiarity, so Hue Jackson and Vance Joseph (former Bengals DB coach) would be “logical” choices for the next head coach, but Mike Brown is smart enough to see how much the coaching decision could hit his wallet if it doesn’t win back the fan base. Continue reading

Despite What You’re Reading Today, Marvin Lewis Did Not Endorse Hue Jackson as the Bengals New Head Coach

If you’ve been on Twitter today or paid any attention to the news coming out of Cincinnati, you were probably led to believe part of Marvin Lewis’ final day as the Cincinnati Bengals head coach was spent endorsing his buddy Hue Jackson for the position he vacated when he and Mike Brown “came to an agreement” that it was time to part ways. Continue reading

Patrick Mahomes Has a New Endorsement Deal. Which Condiment Would You Want to Endorse You?

A few months ago Patrick Mahomes put himself on the FBI’s Most Wanted List by letting the world know that he loves ketchup so much that he ruins perfectly good foods like mac & cheese and steak with it. I’m not gonna completely shun Mr. Mahomes since he’s been such a fantasy football darling for geniuses who drafted him this season, but putting ketchup on these items is enough to warrant a full background investigation. Is his name even Patrick? I don’t know, but the man can put up fantasy numbers.

The fact that Hunt’s came after Mahomes and not Heinz is genius for all parties involved. Can you imagine if Steeler fans learned how to read and saw the news that their beloved Heinz was endorsing the quarterback who is going to knock them out of the playoffs this year? The rage rolling throughout the hills of Western PA would be furious enough to blow the french fries off of everyone’s sandwiches. What a scene.

I’m happy to see Patrick Mahomes taking advantage of the fame and getting every dollar he can. Is it weird? Maybe a little, but athletes endorse weird shit all the time. If it weren’t for weird endorsements from athletes, Dan Marino would’ve never been kidnapped during an Isotoner Gloves commercial and we wouldn’t have have the cinematic gem, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.

Everybody knows that bloggers/podcasters are the same as athletes. The amount of preparation and toll our bodies take are unmatched in comparison to other careers. You think I enjoy my wrists hurting and knees cracking every time I try to move? You think my back would hurt this bad if I had a job as a surgeon? Not likely. I decided to take a break from icing my knees and removed my carpal tunnel wrist guards to work on a few endorsement deals of my own.

“What condiment would everyone from the now-defunct podcast The Nati Boys be endorsed by?”  is a question you probably found yourself asking the moment you saw the Patrick Mahomes news. Lucky for you, I’m here to tell you. Continue reading

Who Dat Got Hurt? Dez Bryant Likely Out For Season With Torn Achilles

Is it possible to not feel bad for the Saints but also feel bad for Dez Bryant in this situation? I don’t just say that because our mighty Bengals host the juggernaut New Orleans Saints this week. The Saints were a prime example of the rich getting richer with the signing of Dez Bryant this week. They just out gunned the previously undefeated St. Louis Los Angeles Rams of Anaheim Located in Southern California West of Nevada in Week 9. Did they really need to add Dez Bryant, a stud wide receiver even though he 100% did not catch that ball in Green Bay? They were the lucky winners in Dez’s game of wait and see, but unfortunately it looks like Dez will be on the Free Agency Tour of 2019 without stepping foot on the field in 2018. Sound like anyone else you know, Pittsburgh fans? Continue reading

A.J. Green Expected to Miss More Time Than Originally Thought With Foot Injury. Shit

This is the definition of “not ideal”. The Bengals have fought the injury bug all season on both sides of the ball, but this seems to be the injury that will send the Bengals into a downward spiral. Tyler Boyd has been a huge success but it’s largely a product of A.J. Green drawing a lot of attention from defenses. Speedster John Ross hasn’t been able to stay on the field and they’re currently on their 428th tight end. Giovanni Bernard should be returning soon, but hopefully Joe Mixon is ready to carry the ball 60 times a game.

I was excited for the bye week because I could sit around and enjoy the games without being stressed out by the Bengals. Once again, the team that will put me in the grave before I’m 40 has decided to ruin another Sunday for me. And they’re not even playing. Figure that one out.

Wake Up With The Best of Rafi From The League

I’m sure by now you’re either looking forward to the 2019 fantasy football season or praying Patrick Mahomes doesn’t get hurt during your playoff run. Either way, I think we can all agree that every fantasy league has an… uhhh, let’s say “interesting” member. The hit show The League on FX and FXX was no different. If it wasn’t Taco making us laugh because he was too stoned to care about starting a full roster, it was Rafi making us laugh and want to puke at the same time. Regardless of where you’re at on the fantasy football spectrum for the remainder of the season, I think we should all take some time to appreciate Rafi. Have yourself a Wednesday, folks.

EXTREMELY NSFW (NOT SAFE FOR WORK, FOR JEFE)

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