How Old Is Too Old to Start Dressing Like Roman Reigns?

I’m always stuck between a rock and a hard place when it comes to style. The stylish clothes don’t fit me like they fit mannequins. I sweat too much and get too hot to rock a baggy sweatshirt all year long. I have exactly one pair of (non-gym) shorts that fit me the way I want and the company that made them doesn’t sell that style anymore. Dry fit team gear is my go-to, but nothing looks more pathetic than wearing a Reds Spring Training workout shirt to a bar when there’s no game on or you’re not pregaming before heading over to Great American Ball Park.

Just like everyone, I look to people I admire for style advice and fashion tips. So, what did I do while I sit here waiting on the Reds’ 1:35pm start time? I started Googling famous people who aren’t skinny and fit the mold of the trendy fashions. That’s when I came across this look. Continue reading

It’s 3:16, So Let’s Celebrate With Some Stone Cold Videos

Happy 3/16 everyone! Pi Day is for nerds. I sat back and watched everyone talk about Pi/Pie for an entire day knowing that 3:16 was only 48 hours away. Have yourselves one hell of a 3:16 Day everyone. It is the perfect warm up for St. Paddy’s Day. If you need a little motivation to live your best Stone Cold life, I’ve got you covered. OH HELL YEAH Continue reading

Daniel Bryan Showed up to SmackDown Live With a Hemp Title Belt Tonight

Well, the transformation is complete. Over the past month or so, Daniel Bryan has been verbally attacking other WWE Superstars, management and fans for their wasteful lifestyles and consumerism. His “vegan lifestyle” (heavy air quotes on that because it’s pretty well known that he ate so much soy product that he developed an intolerance to it and is now forced to eat meat from time to time for protein) clashed with the WWE Championship Belt since, you know, it’s made of leather. Not only that, but the thing is blinged out to the 9’s, which spits directly into the face of his other anti-materialistic stances he’s taken on this most recent heel-run.

That changed tonight when he showed up with this bad boy. Continue reading

Forget the Hair – Is Anyone Else Concerned About John Cena’s Veins?

People that know me know that I’m a big symmetry guy. I can’t stand when something is off-centered or uneven. Watching me spread cream cheese on a bagel or in a beautiful casserole dish when making Skyline Chili dip could make the Pope cuss. That’s one of the reasons I don’t work out. I’m afraid one of arms or legs will get bigger than the other one and completely ruin my life. I’d rather have a heart attack as a fat slob than know my right arm is 1/8-inch  bigger than the other… which brings me to John Cena. Continue reading

Charlotte Flair Is a Better Man Than I Am

Sweet mother of God. That looked painful.

For those of you unaware, tonight was WWE’s annual Tables, Ladders and Chairs pay-per-view. Speaking of which, I’m not really sure why they still call them pay-per-views in the WWE. You have to subscribe to the WWE Network (award winning, if you hadn’t heard) in order to watch any of the pay-per-views so you’re not really paying per view, if that makes sense.  Either way, that’s what was on tonight, running in concurrence with the Rams shitting the bed and not knowing how to get out of bounds when you don’t have any timeouts left. If you didn’t feel like watching 300lb men collide over and over again while you lost your bets, you could flip over to the WWE Network to see a bunch of overgrown human beings slam each other through tables, fall from 20ft ladders and get their ribs rearranged by metal chairs. Continue reading

Triple H’s Torn Pectoral Muscle Makes Me Want to Consider Signing a DNR

I hope nobody is eating while reading this. If so, stop eating on the toilet. That’s gross.

If you were one of the many people who had faux outrage over the Crown Jewel pay-per-view the WWE held in Saudi Arabia over the weekend and still watched, you could tell Triple H was pretty messed up by the end of the match. Now we have the photo evidence that Triple H did, in fact destroy his pectoral muscle at some point during the showdown between DX and the Brothers of Destruction.  Continue reading

Rae Carruth Is a Free Man and People Are Trying To Buy His Jersey. Meanwhile Brendan Dassey Can’t Watch WrestleMania

By now you’ve heard that Rae Carruth, quite possibly the most despicable human being on the planet, was released from prison after serving 19 years for conspiring to murder his 8-month pregnant girlfriend. I’m not sure how someone like that ever gets out of prison, but that’s not why I’m here. I’ll let Whitty break that down in his upcoming soccer blogs.

My biggest gripe is the idiots that are celebrating his release by trying to buy his jersey. I understood the Michael Vick Halloween costumes where they’d have their dog with them. I didn’t think it was funny, but I saw why a 19-year-old college sophomore might. I was busy wearing a very tight Spider-Man costume and a Woopie Cushion costume that I turned inside out and wrote “DOUCHE BAG” on it. Much much better than wearing a Michael Vick jersey with my dog by my side, right? I like to think a lot of people were walking around Halloween parties in the mid-90’s wearing poor-fitting leather gloves. It’s too bad we didn’t have cameras back then to document such parties, but hopefully researches will find a stone tablet with that image chiseled into it someday.

oj gloves

Can we take a second to appreciate how awesome the officer on the right is? When he’s not escorting former NFL running backs through the courtroom I bet he’s busy yelling at his kids for turning up the thermostat and asking his wife “how on God’s green earth someone can spend $13 at Smoothie King”.  Continue reading