Recover From Your Morning Commute With Dennis Reynolds’ Road Rage From It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

 

There aren’t too many better television characters from our generation than Dennis Reynolds on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I feel like just about anyone who watches the show can see a little bit of themselves in Dennis no matter how dark his sociopathic behavior is. I’m not saying we’re all sociopaths (we are), but Dennis is the perfect blend of common man and too-crazy-to-be-real that we all love to watch.

His commute back and forth to work after moving to the suburbs for an episode proved that no matter how bitchin’ your 1993 Range Rover is, you’re just as susceptible of crossing paths with fat cows and stupid bitches like the rest of us.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go explain to my co-workers why I’m covered in blood. (It’s because I had to slit the guy’s throat who causes all the traffic. Dennis’ words, not mine).  

Here’s some soothing Brian Adams to help bring your blood pressure down. It didn’t seem to help Dennis but maybe it’ll work for you.

 

Wake Up With The Best Rickyisms From Trailer Park Boys

If you’ve never watched Trailer Park Boys, you’re missing out. It’s pretty much The Office only it’s about deviants in a Canadian trailer park instead of 9-5ers at a paper company. One of the main characters, Ricky, is well known for getting popular sayings or colloquialisms wrong. Some of my most used phrases come from Ricky.

“Getting two birds stoned at once”

“Worst case Ontario”

“I fucking atodaso”

Maybe someday if you’re nice, I’ll post a picture of my Ricky costume from Halloween a few years ago. But until then, you can “make like a tree and fuck off.”

Wake Up With Ron Swanson Taking Calls on Pawnee Today

There’s an awful lot of wisdom packed into these 35-seconds of Ron Swanson Greatness. Don’t believe me? Watch for yourself and tell me what’s wrong about anything he says.

I just have one question for Ron.. Why Herbie: Fully Loaded?

You know what, it doesn’t matter. I trust your judgement. God bless you Ron, and God bless America.

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Should The Sandlot’s TV Reboot Excite or Depress Me?

When I saw this, I felt a million different emotions. Excited, confused, depressed.. you name it. Would they all be reuniting and playing in a men’s beer league softball game? Would they just be reliving the glory days and telling stories to their kids like Grown Ups? Don’t even try to tell me Grown Ups isn’t a cinematic classic. It might not work well in this case but it’s fucking brilliant when Adam Sandler, Kevin James, David Spade and Chris Rock are at the helm. Ever heard of them? Oh yeah, and the “YOU CAN DO IT!!!” guy from Waterboy is in it too. Yes, I know his name is Rob Schneider but it’s funnier to just call him the YOU CAN DO IT! guy because it was such a throwaway part that has pretty much become his most quoted line of his career. Well, except for this one.

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It looks like we’re going to be getting a hybrid of my initial thoughts/fears. Continue reading

Somebody Compiled All of Tom Haverford’s Business Ideas From Parks and Recreation, and Folks… Someone Better Call Shark Tank

They were spread out across seven seasons so it was hard to keep track of them all, but Tom Haverford had some pretty impressive business ideas. In fact, there are three to four ideas that I probably would’ve lost a ton of money investing in. Maybe that’s why I haven’t been offered a chair on Shark Tank yet.

Lucky for us, someone stayed up way too late one night and spliced them all together in a four minute video for our viewing pleasure. Continue reading

The Office Episode Where Dwight Cuts the Face off of a CPR Dummy Saved Someones Life in Arizona

tucson.com – Nothing in Cross Scott’s life prepared him for finding a woman slumped over her steering wheel, her lips blue. He says he just reacted. He broke a back window, opened her door and crawled on top of her. With no training, he gave her CPR that may have saved her life.

What popped into Scott’s head was an episode of the television show “The Office” in which character Michael Scott (actor Steve Carell) sings the Bee Gees’ “Stayin’ Alive” while doing chest compressions on a dummy. The episode, where the gang takes an in-office CPR course, could actually be a tutorial in what not to do. The one thing it got right was using that song as a meter — the correct tempo for chest compressions.

This is proof that TV isn’t just rotting our brains and making our world a worse place. Is it sad that someone had to rely on something they learned from binge watching a television show to save someone’s life? Maybe, but things are different these days. School doesn’t really teach you many life lessons on how to actually survive in the world. Paying bills, fixing a flat tire, budgeting for a normal lifestyle without blowing every dollar you earn? Ahhh, that’s for the birds. All that matters is you know that noble gases are inert since they have completed outer electron shells*. Isn’t that what you’re worried about when you’re trying to avoid getting your water shut off for the third time in six months? Continue reading

Wake Up With The Best of Rafi From The League

I’m sure by now you’re either looking forward to the 2019 fantasy football season or praying Patrick Mahomes doesn’t get hurt during your playoff run. Either way, I think we can all agree that every fantasy league has an… uhhh, let’s say “interesting” member. The hit show The League on FX and FXX was no different. If it wasn’t Taco making us laugh because he was too stoned to care about starting a full roster, it was Rafi making us laugh and want to puke at the same time. Regardless of where you’re at on the fantasy football spectrum for the remainder of the season, I think we should all take some time to appreciate Rafi. Have yourself a Wednesday, folks.

EXTREMELY NSFW (NOT SAFE FOR WORK, FOR JEFE)

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