Wake Up With The Best Rickyisms From Trailer Park Boys

If you’ve never watched Trailer Park Boys, you’re missing out. It’s pretty much The Office only it’s about deviants in a Canadian trailer park instead of 9-5ers at a paper company. One of the main characters, Ricky, is well known for getting popular sayings or colloquialisms wrong. Some of my most used phrases come from Ricky.

“Getting two birds stoned at once”

“Worst case Ontario”

“I fucking atodaso”

Maybe someday if you’re nice, I’ll post a picture of my Ricky costume from Halloween a few years ago. But until then, you can “make like a tree and fuck off.”

Wake Up With Ron Swanson Taking Calls on Pawnee Today

There’s an awful lot of wisdom packed into these 35-seconds of Ron Swanson Greatness. Don’t believe me? Watch for yourself and tell me what’s wrong about anything he says.

I just have one question for Ron.. Why Herbie: Fully Loaded?

You know what, it doesn’t matter. I trust your judgement. God bless you Ron, and God bless America.

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Should The Sandlot’s TV Reboot Excite or Depress Me?

When I saw this, I felt a million different emotions. Excited, confused, depressed.. you name it. Would they all be reuniting and playing in a men’s beer league softball game? Would they just be reliving the glory days and telling stories to their kids like Grown Ups? Don’t even try to tell me Grown Ups isn’t a cinematic classic. It might not work well in this case but it’s fucking brilliant when Adam Sandler, Kevin James, David Spade and Chris Rock are at the helm. Ever heard of them? Oh yeah, and the “YOU CAN DO IT!!!” guy from Waterboy is in it too. Yes, I know his name is Rob Schneider but it’s funnier to just call him the YOU CAN DO IT! guy because it was such a throwaway part that has pretty much become his most quoted line of his career. Well, except for this one.

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It looks like we’re going to be getting a hybrid of my initial thoughts/fears. Continue reading

Somebody Compiled All of Tom Haverford’s Business Ideas From Parks and Recreation, and Folks… Someone Better Call Shark Tank

They were spread out across seven seasons so it was hard to keep track of them all, but Tom Haverford had some pretty impressive business ideas. In fact, there are three to four ideas that I probably would’ve lost a ton of money investing in. Maybe that’s why I haven’t been offered a chair on Shark Tank yet.

Lucky for us, someone stayed up way too late one night and spliced them all together in a four minute video for our viewing pleasure. Continue reading

The Office Episode Where Dwight Cuts the Face off of a CPR Dummy Saved Someones Life in Arizona

tucson.com – Nothing in Cross Scott’s life prepared him for finding a woman slumped over her steering wheel, her lips blue. He says he just reacted. He broke a back window, opened her door and crawled on top of her. With no training, he gave her CPR that may have saved her life.

What popped into Scott’s head was an episode of the television show “The Office” in which character Michael Scott (actor Steve Carell) sings the Bee Gees’ “Stayin’ Alive” while doing chest compressions on a dummy. The episode, where the gang takes an in-office CPR course, could actually be a tutorial in what not to do. The one thing it got right was using that song as a meter — the correct tempo for chest compressions.

This is proof that TV isn’t just rotting our brains and making our world a worse place. Is it sad that someone had to rely on something they learned from binge watching a television show to save someone’s life? Maybe, but things are different these days. School doesn’t really teach you many life lessons on how to actually survive in the world. Paying bills, fixing a flat tire, budgeting for a normal lifestyle without blowing every dollar you earn? Ahhh, that’s for the birds. All that matters is you know that noble gases are inert since they have completed outer electron shells*. Isn’t that what you’re worried about when you’re trying to avoid getting your water shut off for the third time in six months? Continue reading

Wake Up With The Best of Rafi From The League

I’m sure by now you’re either looking forward to the 2019 fantasy football season or praying Patrick Mahomes doesn’t get hurt during your playoff run. Either way, I think we can all agree that every fantasy league has an… uhhh, let’s say “interesting” member. The hit show The League on FX and FXX was no different. If it wasn’t Taco making us laugh because he was too stoned to care about starting a full roster, it was Rafi making us laugh and want to puke at the same time. Regardless of where you’re at on the fantasy football spectrum for the remainder of the season, I think we should all take some time to appreciate Rafi. Have yourself a Wednesday, folks.

EXTREMELY NSFW (NOT SAFE FOR WORK, FOR JEFE)

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Mr. Feeny Is Too Busy Fighting Burglars to Die

Talk about a classic “crap your pants while you’re driving home from the zoo” moment when I came across this headline at a red light (no texting/tweeting while driving in my reasonably priced luxury sedan). Mr. Feeny dying would be the saddest non-family member bad news I think I could receive. I’m not even willing to put any of my friends ahead of Mr. Feeny, because unlike my friends, Mr. Feeny was always there for me from 2-3pm on ABC Family. I don’t wanna point any fingers or call anyone out but sometimes Whitty won’t respond to my texts for up to 2 minutes after I send them. Again, not to call anyone out but did Mr. Feeny ever show up 2 minutes late during the weekdays? That’s what I thought.   Continue reading