Start Your Week off Right With Nelly’s Country Grammar

We could sit around all day and debate what Nelly’s best song is. Truth be told, there’s probably about 5-6 that I’d consider his greatest whenever they come on SiriusXM Fly. It just depends on mood and whether I’m doing 42 in a 35 (bad boy life) on my way back from Taco Bell or sitting in traffic praying I don’t shit my pants at 6:30 in the morning. I’m starting to think the two scenarios I just laid out are related…

County Grammar came out when I was 14 and I couldn’t wait to get my driver’s license so I could listen to the entire album in my dark green Pontiac Grand Prix (again, bad boy life). There were so many great hits on that album: E.I., Thicky Thick Girl, Ride wit Me, Batter Up, and of course, the album’s namesake Country Grammar. For today, Country Grammar gets the bump because of the Darnay Scott Bengals jersey seen throughout the video.

Before he was the featured back in Adam Sandler’s prison offense, Nelly was the soundtrack of our junior high and high school years. If you think I didn’t rock a pair of Air Force 1’s because of Nelly, you’re crazy. Now Mac get the hype on first site like, white on whites. Looking back, I should’ve gotten a different color. No 17-year-old should be trusted with a pair of white shoes and be expected to keep them looking crisp and presentable for more than a few weeks. I did my best.

I hope a little Nelly gets you in a great mood so you can attack this week like a St. Lunatic. Next time he comes on the radio, I hope you’re doing 7 MPH over the speed limit and not trying to defuse a ticking Taco Bell belly bomb in rush hour traffic.

Artemi Panarin Fired His Agent and That Sounds Like a Good Thing for the Blue Jackets, Right? Not so Fast My Friend.

If you’re a Blue Jackets fan or just a hockey fan in general, you’re well aware of the looming disaster for Columbus. Artemi Panarin (and his fellow countryman Sergei Bobrovsky) are both unrestricted free agents at the end of the 2019 season. None of the parties involved have been able to reach an agreement on an extension or new contract, to the point where Panarin and his agent cut off contract talks and informed the team that he will not consider his future until after the season.

This puts the Blue Jackets in a VERY difficult spot. They aren’t quite a cup contender as constructed, but they could get to that level with a deadline deal or two. All of that gets thrown into a blender if Panarin isn’t in the mix though. If the NHL has learned anything from last year’s Islanders-Tavares situation, its not worth letting some prima donna string you along all season and into free agency and then bail without the courtesy of letting you get anything in return. Although the Islanders are doing just fine, I’m sure they would have preferred to get a young player and a draft pick for Tavares at last year’s deadline. Now the Jackets are faced with the million dollar decision. Do they try to make a run at a cup by acquiring a few players this month, or do they see if they can get a quality return for a Panarin rental? There’s really no good answer and it’s a really shitty situation to be in.

Then today.. there was this… Continue reading

Somebody Compiled All of Tom Haverford’s Business Ideas From Parks and Recreation, and Folks… Someone Better Call Shark Tank

They were spread out across seven seasons so it was hard to keep track of them all, but Tom Haverford had some pretty impressive business ideas. In fact, there are three to four ideas that I probably would’ve lost a ton of money investing in. Maybe that’s why I haven’t been offered a chair on Shark Tank yet.

Lucky for us, someone stayed up way too late one night and spliced them all together in a four minute video for our viewing pleasure. Continue reading

Jeremy Hill Takes Unnecessary Shot at Bengals Fans Then Proceeds to Cry Like a Baby When People Remind Him He Fumbled Away a Playoff Win in 2016

If you’ve been on Twitter today, you know that Jeremy Hill was feeling himself as he celebrated a season in which he had 25 yards on 4 carries on the path to the Patriots sixth Super Bowl ring. The celebration and parade wasn’t enough. The always classy Jeremy Hill decided to post this to his Instagram story. Continue reading

I Will Not Dip My Hamburger in Ketchup Like Andy Warhol

Let’s face it, the Super Bowl commercials sucked for about the 15th year in a row. I remember a stretch of a few years where the commercial breaks were filled with laughter and badass scenes that were shot well enough to be in a movie. Now we get a bunch of stupid shit with brands trying to be too safe or a million “Coming to CBS” promos. The Burger King Andy Warhol commercial made me angrier than seeing the Patriots win their 48th straight Super Bowl. Continue reading

Cam Atkinson Took a Puck to the Face in Warmups, Misses Action in Blue Jackets’ Fourth Straight Loss

I really have nothing good to say about the Blue Jackets right now. What seemed like a promising season with a chance to actually make a run in the playoffs has quickly been derailed by a pair of Russians. After blowing a late lead tonight in Winnipeg, the Jackets have lost four straight and have missed some prime opportunities to separate themselves from the Washington Capitals during a seven game losing streak of their own. Columbus’ two-time Vezina Trophy winner has his head so far up his own ass worrying about his new contract that he can’t be bothered to stop a puck and one of the NHL’s most lethal offensive weapons can’t decide where he wants to play the rest of his career and is letting his agent play bullshit games with the CBJ’s front office.

Now the Jackets have lost four in a row, Tortorella refuses to play Anthony Duclair even with a short bench and the Jackets find themselves stuck in Stanley Cup Purgatory where they can’t decide if it’s best to “go for it” or get what we can for Artemi Panarin and Sergei Bobrovsky to avoid losing them without any return at the end of 2019.

Just when you think the Jackets couldn’t have any more bad luck, shit like this happens. Continue reading

We Get It, LeBron. You’re a Wine Guy (That Likes Wearing Weird Buttons/Pins)

This may upset our resident Lakers fan, DB.. but I wish LeBron would just fucking go away. Everything this guy does is for attention and to get people to talk about him. Yeah, it’s ironic that I say that and turn around and fall into his trap, but there are things that need to be said. Continue reading