Mr. Feeny Is Too Busy Fighting Burglars to Die

Talk about a classic “crap your pants while you’re driving home from the zoo” moment when I came across this headline at a red light (no texting/tweeting while driving in my reasonably priced luxury sedan). Mr. Feeny dying would be the saddest non-family member bad news I think I could receive. I’m not even willing to put any of my friends ahead of Mr. Feeny, because unlike my friends, Mr. Feeny was always there for me from 2-3pm on ABC Family. I don’t wanna point any fingers or call anyone out but sometimes Whitty won’t respond to my texts for up to 2 minutes after I send them. Again, not to call anyone out but did Mr. Feeny ever show up 2 minutes late during the weekdays? That’s what I thought.   Continue reading

BREAKING NEWS: Two-Time NFL MVP Doesn’t Bail on Training Camp to Travel Across the Country and Attend Brother Who Had to Rely on Reality TV for Fame Because He Couldn’t Cut It in the NFL’s 30th Birthday Party

Wait a second… are you telling me a 2x NFL MVP, Super Bowl winning quarterback, Super Bowl MVP, and current starter of the Green Bay Packers didn’t bail on training camp to go to his brother’s birthday party? Wow, I guess some people just don’t have the same values we held back in our day.  Continue reading

Reds Trade Adam Duvall to Atlanta for OF Preston Tucker and Minor League Pitchers

Adam Duvall, Matt Harvey, Billy Hamilton, Scooter Gennett, Raisel Inglesias. All names we heard as possible trading chips as the Reds put the finishing touches on their rebuild. Well, Adam Duvall wasn’t the most likely player to be dealt, but he was the first.

Continue reading

Johnny Cueto’s 2018 Campaign Ends, Tommy John Surgery a Possibility

cueto

MLBTradeRumors.com – There’s a “strong possibility” that righty Johnny Cueto will require Tommy John surgery, Giants manager Bruce Bochy told reporters today, including Kerry Crowley of the Bay Area News Group (via Twitter). Cueto was placed on the disabled list earlier this evening.

Though clearly a final decision has yet to be made, it’s obviously poor news for a Giants organization that surely hoped for quite a bit more from the veteran starter.

Terrible news out of San Francisco today, where Bruce Bochy said it was a strong possibility that Johnny Cueto would require Tommy John surgery. I remember Cueto’s MLB debut like it was yesterday, striking out 10 Diamondbacks during an afternoon game at Great American Ball Park. The year was 2008 and I didn’t know what a true hangover felt like yet. Man, those were the days.  Continue reading

Nick Saban Signs Massive Extension, Reminds Us Once Again That We Chose the Wrong Profession

Here I am, just minding my own business, enjoying a Friday afternoon after a long grinding work week and Alabama drops this bullshit on us. Talk about ruining a guy’s weekend.

wow gif

Shoutout to this girl that got booted from Barstool Idol for showing up late. You have no idea but I use this GIF more often than I’d like to admit. We’re not hiring, sorry. 

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming.  Continue reading

The Lakers Land LeBron, America Loses

This isn’t even about basketball. We can hate LeBron regardless of the city he’s playing in. As a Cincinnati guy, it was just really convenient that he happened to play in a city I can’t stand. Whether it was anointing himself the King, playing with an almost-broken hand, flopping his way into an and-1, or hunkering down in a “Decision Cave” to decide where he’d play this season, I’ve always had plenty of reasons to not like the Kid From Akron (another nickname he gave himself).

Now that LeBron is in LA, there’s one thing that is certain. No, not a championship. The Warriors and the rest of the Western Conference are still stacked. This means more movie roles and most likely Space Jam 2, which should never be remade. You wouldn’t expect another NBA big man to remake Kazaam so why in the fuck are we gonna let LeBron ruin Space Jam’s legacy? It’s unacceptable and I won’t stand for it.

stephen a smith

Continue reading