NYC Resident Doesn’t Understand Math, Embarrasses Herself By Calling Out Local Butcher Shop

Man, these are rough and boring times. Everyone seems to be on edge because of the unknown and uncertainty of when things will start to get back to normal. But for the most part, it seems like everyone has come together and rallied against the common enemy (go fuck yourself Coronavirus).

Ok, so maybe I wished hemorrhoids upon people who are hoarding toilet paper like we’re about to have a nuclear holocaust, but that’s just pure insanity. Are you going to be home more frequently and using your own toilet paper instead of the single ply toilet paper at Target while your wife circles around the impulse buy stuff right next to the Starbucks, texting “are you almost done?” several times before just telling you to meet her by the kid’s clothes. But the fact of the matter is there’s absolutely no reason for every single store in every single town to be sold out of toilet paper. People just aren’t shitting that much! And I think I’d know. People are cooking at home more and unable to go drink at a bar. No liquor? No 3AM food runs? No need for a spare bedroom full of Charmin, pal.

Ok, so back to this crazy lady. I am sure she’s very flustered and has been going through a lot. New York City seems to be a hotbed for Coronavirus and a lot of people think it will get worse before we even start to have hope that it’ll get better. I’m not a doctor or scientist, so it’s not really my place to say. Apparently, she’s no doctor or scientist either.. or someone who can pass third grade math.

Sweet Jesus, it’s even worse when you see how much she dug in. You see, the math is pretty simple. Luckily the butcher’s social media person (who I’m assuming is just the same person who is working at the counter) was readily available to point it out.

Image result for kill shot gif

It’s been all day and there’s been no response from Jennifer. Either her phone died and she has no idea she’s getting roasted all over Twitter or she’s too embarrassed to even respond. Personally, I’d just delete the tweet, but I’d also never go at the neck of a company online and make such a simple, stupid math error like that. Different strokes for different folks, as I always say.

I look forward to Jennifer’s next tweet. Not the point that I’ll follow her, but I’ll keep checking back and report. If she has any self awareness, she’ll just post a picture of the cooked ribeyes without a caption.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some toilet paper duties to take care of.

Image result for nate toilet paper office

I Got Tricked by Clickbait Today and It Was Complete and Utter Bullshit

I’m not usually one to click on random articles that I know are just slide shows trying to rack up pageviews and clicks so they can sell more ads (sorry for the industry lingo, but someday when you’re in the biz, you’ll understand) but for some reason I was very intrigued when I came across this on Twitter.

Was it a horny thing because of the girl in the blue dress with the totally not touched up photo to make her stomach look flatter than a freshly planed 2×6? If you’re still confused, I’m talking about the picture on the right. The lady on the left is wearing a blouse, not a dress, idiot.

No, it wasn’t a horny thing. There are fucked up subs on Reddit where you can see much better things if you’re looking for such a thing. At least that’s what I’ve been told. I wouldn’t know.

Image result for point to the sky gif

Ok, my wife isn’t standing behind me anymore…

Yeah. Of course I clicked on the link because of the girl in the blue dress. But again, not really a horny thing. I just wanted to know why in the fuck someone was dressed like that in Walmart. Also, she was hot.

Is she Russian? She kinda looks like she could be Russian based on some of those subreddits I’ve never been on and have only heard about. Or maybe she’s just a normal, boring American chick that is into tall, formerly in shape not completely fat, hopeless bloggers just begging for pageviews so he could sell ads like people who make Walmart slideshows that totally not horny dudes click on after seeing the thumbnail.

Just a second, shes back. 

The reason I clicked on the article was because it reminded me of a great website that we used to look at all the time in college. I don’t even know if it’s still in existence or has been bought out by another website by now.

Yep. Still a thing. And boy am I disappointed.

people of walmart

You ever see someone from high school and you can hear them think “man, what happened to him? He was always in good shape and happy. I never thought in just 15 years he’d end up overweight, miserable and have the hair of a 65-year-old man”.

That’s how I felt going to People of Walmart. That site was always so awesome and filled with incredibly absurd pictures of the patrons of Walmart. Now it’s been infiltrated by ads, and as I suspected, appears to be part of a group of websites instead of just standalone place where we could all laugh at 74-year-old men wearing yoga pants and mismatched shoes.

Ok, she’s gone again. 

What do you think she was looking at? Was she looking at the Arizona Iced Tea can to see how many calories was in it?

devil with the blue dress

Was she just a college student getting ready for the night much like we’d come across in beautiful Athens, Ohio every night? Perhaps. Again we don’t know just based on the thumbnail. And guess what. You’ll never fucking know. You know why?

Because she wasn’t even in the slideshow.

Image result for shocked gif

Those sons of bitches. Noteabley? More like NotGonnaShowYouTheBabe-ly.

To say I was shooketh was an understatement. If I can’t trust a promoted tweet that was forced upon me in my timeline, what could I trust? I was so disgusted that I could hardly finish my third Wild Cherry Pepsi of the day. I mean, I did. But I didn’t enjoy it like I should have.

Now my day is ruined. I will never know why this Devil in a Blue Dress is studying the side of an Arizona Iced Tea can. Then again, maybe I will. I’m just gonna keep clicking the article until the picture shows up in the slideshow. There must be a glitch.