New Year’s Day Preview (Unofficially Sponsored By My Attempt To Eat a Party Sub* From Jersey Mike’s)

It’s everyone’s favorite day of the year: The day that I order a Jersey Mike’s party sub (well, they call it a box of subs) and fail miserably in eating it. I’m not a big excuse guy, but this is my third attempt and the first two were unsuccessful. Last year my New Year’s Day was spent tending to a toddler with a fever and the poor decision of ordering roast beef on a portion of the subs. You never realize how dry roast beef is until you’re trying to eat five feet of sub with it. The first year I wasn’t as fat as I am now, so again, not my fault. I’ve done everything in my power to change that for 2019, so things are looking pretty favorable.

While I’m embarking on the journey of 5-feet of delicious sandwich, there’s a lot to watch on TV. Personally, I think it’s bullshit that we have to wait until noon for the sports day to start but I guess all of the people who have lives are hungover and need the sleep and time to recover before things get started. Luckily, you have this to read until the Outback Bowl kicks off at 12:00 PM EST. Continue reading

LSU’s Devin White Will Miss the First Half of the Alabama Game Because of This Terrible Targeting Call

Thanks to this horrendous targeting call, LSU’s best defensive player will miss the first half of the Alabama game when the Crimson Tide make the trip to Baton Rouge in two weeks. You know, the game that could shape the College Football Playoff landscape. Steeler fans probably want Devin White banned from football, but anyone else watching this game can clearly see this wasn’t a targeting penalty. At best you could say this was a slightly late shove. Even that wouldn’t have warranted a flag in my opinion, but what do I know? Continue reading

Alabama Fan Shows Restraint; Avoids Killing Everyone at His Wedding

Congratulations to the newest married couple down south. All this poor guy wanted to do was get drunk with his buddies, say “I do” without falling over or pissing himself and eat some Alabama cake. Roll Damn Pie. I couldn’t think of a play on the word ‘cake’. That’s on me and for that, I apologize.  Continue reading